IcYb3||

2012-02-05T14:01:00.000+08:00

Life is a constant struggle - I'm well aware of that...

We always have to choose between the devil & the big blue sea.

I am now stuck in a situation where the decision will impact me & my family greatly.

I have 3 kids. I have a job.

As a working mother, I have to cope between work & family.

This is what most Singaporean mothers are doing now - Yes I know..

My eldest son

Weak in Chinese, English, Maths... and basically everything...

Stubborn & hot tempered.

Listens to no one.

My 2nd boy

Good in his studies, but some problems with this character.

Love to cry whenever we stop him from doing something (like spending the night in his grandpa room).

Which from what I see is a sign of MCS (Middle Child Syndrome).

Recently I notice that he is very obsessed with money.

He would open up my wallet without my permission to see how much money I have inside or go to the cupboard & take some $2 notes that I left in there as their pocket money.

I wouldn't call that stealing because I believe he did it without knowing what he done is wrong.

My Youngest

Typical youngest baby.

Whine all the time.

Bully his elder brothers knowing that the grandparents will, at most, scold him, not hit him.

Nothing much, you would say...

Typical Singaporean kids...

Why should I get so work up?

Another reason that I think requires immediate attention is their daily routine.

They dun do what they should when they reach home from school. Instead, they do what they want.

Causing their grades to suffer drasticallyy(this is true to the eldest).

If reading this far, you still think that I am over-reacting , maybe I should say a little about my childhood. That might make my worries seems more valid.

I am the middle child.

I have an elder sister & a younger brother.

My parents were hoping for a boy when they had me...

But too bad their prayer wasn't answered.

This contributed to their divorce & my mum remarried & had my bro.

My stepfather treated us well.

My mum was treated far better by my stepdad than when she was with my dad.

With a man like this and a son she wished for so long, it does't take any effort for her to forget me.

Things went seriously wrong when I was 12yo.

It became clear at that time I was 'suicidal'.

I did whatever I could to destroy myself, including hurting myself physically.

When my mum eventually 'remember' that she still have another daughter (yours truly),

things already got out of hand.

I was already on my way to that place.

Now, do you understand what I am worried about?

'Quit your job & stay at home to look after them!' - I can already hear you saying.

But with the current standard of living, I am worried that even I cut down all expenses, my hub's salary alone will not be able to make ends meet.

Further more, I don't like the feeling of taking money from anyone.

I enjoy spending the money I work hard for.

Money is evil, If I really stay at home & be a SAHM, I truly believe that hub & I will often quarrel over money issue.

With my kid's well-being on one side & financial stability on the other side, I am well stuck between the devil & the big blue sea...

真理？

2011-12-22T11:34:00.001+08:00

不知道是看了‘拜金女王’，再加上这几年来发生的事而悟出的道理。
或是因这几年来所发生的事，又刚好的在这时候看了‘林楚曼与蔡家豪‘的故事。
又或者是因为阿妹的那首‘我要快乐‘。
我觉得我在这几天想法改变了好多。

我不再抱着任何希望他会有所改变。
突然觉得好像那块长时间压在心里的大石被抬起，心头舒畅了好多。
我不再想离婚的事，不再钻牛角尖，就让一切顺其自然。

我承认我对他心灰意冷，对他很失望。
但我不是不爱他了。而是选择用另一个方式去爱。
一个比较轻松，不会让大家感到窒息的一个方式。
我决定把之前放在他身上的时间与心细都放在我自己身上。
把多点时间与心细放在自己身上，我想也是件利人利己的一件事吧！
至少白天出门不再吓人，晚上出门也不再吓鬼。

天长地久不是不可能。
而是比我们所了解的更难以琢磨。
两个人要天长地久的在一起，需要的是非比一般的努力。

调整一下思维也算是努力的一种吧。

2011-12-12T23:26:00.001+08:00

I realized the standard of my language used, whatever that language is, is at its best when I am free from the eyes of critics.

I can better express myself in my private blog rather than here, my public blog,

Read through the more 'recent' posts and realized how childish I was. I am amazed by the speed of one's maturity grow. Like how I was amazed by how fast Travis & Dariz is growing both physically & mentally.

Talking about Dariz, I notice he have been crying a lot. He doesn't like sleeping in his own room. Every night, he will either try all ways to sleep with his grandfather or cry himself to sleep. Travis always help to coax him not to cry but he just continue doing so. I cannot explain his behavior. I don't understand what is wrong with him. Wonder if anyone have any good advice for me?? Or at least, a good psychologist to introduce nto me??

2011-12-12T01:52:00.000+08:00

It's 1.49am in the morning.

Just finish reading through my previous posts and suddenly have the urge to log in and write a post.

This post consist of just a few words... Which is....

'I realised that Travis is a very sensible boy!!!'

2011-12-04T13:16:00.000+08:00

我一直在想人与人之间的关系到底是怎样的。

身为母亲的照顾、疼爱孩子是本分，是天经地义的。
但是为什么有些母亲却生下了孩子后便想尽办法置他于死地？更狠心的便用尽所有办法把孩子折磨致死。
这中间又是一种什么样的关系？

‘世上只有妈妈好，有妈的孩子像个宝，没妈的孩子像根草’

我有个母亲。
据我所知，在我年幼时是他每天打三份工，长时间的工作养我们姐妹俩的。
照理我和我母亲的关系应该是很好的 - 因为我母亲肯为了养活我们而辛苦工作，牺牲了他那宝贵的青春。
她也应该是很可怜的 - 因为需要长时间的工作而不能在想见到孩子的时候见到他们。那种心情，虽说不是什么生离死别，但也不是什么好感觉。
但是在我懂事以来我就没有被母亲疼爱的感觉。
相反的我总觉得我母亲是讨厌我的。
从我懂事以来，我就有一个疑问；我是不是我母亲和父亲亲生的？

长大后我也找到了答案，我当然是我母亲亲生的。
但是如果我是他亲生的，那她为什么这些年来都这样对我？
我一直以为是因为我不听话，我本性坏，所以我应该得到这种对待。
从十二岁开始，我就认定我这辈子是得不到家人的疼爱。
我甚至一度的相信我是个烂人，以后会不得好死。
毕竟连生我的母亲都那么讨厌我，我还能得到什么好下场。。。

在我二十岁以前我是不懂什么是‘家庭’的。
是我家婆教了我什么是家庭，身为人母和人妻是得要尽什么责任的。
那时开始我才觉得我是活着的。
也是因为我家婆对我的关心和疼爱，我才有我今天的成就。
虽然算不上什么大成就，但认识我的人会了解为什么我会那么样说。
我开始对我以前所相信的事有了很多疑问。
这些疑问在时间流矢的过程中找到了答案。
而这些答案让我对我母亲很不谅解，对他的埋怨日以增加。

到了今时今日，我还是处于在很疑惑，很矛盾的阶段。
我不希望为我的疑惑再找到任何答案。
我只希望我能放下我对我母亲的怨恨。

抱着怨恨过日子是一种对自己的惩罚。
我不想再惩罚我自己了。。。

2011-11-13T22:19:00.001+08:00

刚下完一场大雨，今晚的天气好冷，但是我好想吃杯冰淇淋。可能没有几个人会知道当我在情绪极为低潮的时候，冰淇淋是我最想吃的食物。

今晚我的心情就像这场雨一样一直下。我终于了解原来人类一直在追求的爱情，亲情，友情，原来是那么的遥不可及。

虽然我们每天都被我们的家人，朋友，爱人包围着，但是在我们失落时，我们往往会发现到我们身边其实没有一个我们能依靠的人。

结婚了近10年，我现在才了解要唱长相思守是多么难做到的一件事。

很多人会说＂既然婚姻不愉快，那倒不如离婚算了！＂

我也是其中一个有此想法的人。但是有些时候，有些事情不是说要放就放。那是需要很多勇气的。我没有这种勇气。

我为了当个负责任的人，把我孩子生了下来。为了当个负责任的妈妈，我凡事都把孩子们放在第一位。但是我发现在这个家庭里，负责任的只有我一个。

我不知道他心里怎么想。但是现在对我来说他的想法完全不重要。我只想好好的把孩子养大。看哪一天他甘愿提出离婚我们再来看看该怎么做。要不就等到哪儿天孩子长大了，不再需要我这个妈妈了，我再来为自己的＂未来＂打算打算。现在的我只好咬紧牙关挨下去。。。

2011-11-10T11:07:00.001+08:00

Life
In life, we don’t always get what we wish for.

Sometimes I wonder what is life? What is the purpose of living in this world?

The Buddha said each and every living being will attain enlightenment one day. But before that, we will have to go through sufferings to rid us of our sins. So, is that why we are here for??

Saw Aries’s blog.
Something happened between she & her hubby.
Seems like her hubby is playing a fool outside.. But I can’t say for sure, cos whatever I knew was from her blog… Not directly from the horse’s mouth.

I always thought once a girl marries, she should be treated like a princess by her hubby.
But that was only what I thought.
In reality, not all women are treated fairly.
Men are a bunch of greedy, selfish lot, aren’t they?
If not, why will there be such unfair happenings happening?

Kids
Dariz will be in P1 next year.
We’ll be attending his P1 orientation on 19 Nov 2011.
We have received a letter the other day which states the details of the orientation as well as his class details.
He will be in 1/6 in year 2012.
Thinking of the new journey ahead, I think I am equally excited as him!

Starting next year, Travis’s exam result will have significant impact on his future study route.
He still receive ‘red marks’ and there seems no improvement even though he does attend tuition for his chinese.
I think it’s time I should send him to better tuition centre to strengthen his knowledge in this subject.
Hopefully, he will be sensible enough to work hard for his own future.

Weight Problem

2011-09-11T21:36:00.001+08:00

My weight is at its highest at this point of my life. I can feel the stress on my legs, my back, and also my chest. No matter what I do, the number on my weighing scale just go up, not down.

Attended this training on communication few days back. One of the session the trainer touched on is the power of our brain. He says: If we believe something totally, that thing will happen. I tot of using this method on myself. Tell myself everyday before sleep (when the link between our conscious mind and our subconscious mind is open) I can cut down those kilos and eventually reach the healthy weight I should be on.

I can see the red light flashing and I know I have to do something about it. What I lack now is faith - the faith to believe that I can shed those weight and live a healthy life thereafter.

Afterall, what could be more difficult than quitting that little stick that have accompanied me for more than a decade? *winkx*

10 Sept 2011

2011-09-11T02:30:00.001+08:00

For some reason, I have the urge to be a 'good' mum today. Maybe it's because I'm feeling guilty as I'm going abroad on Monday, leaving my kids in my MIL's/Mum's care.

I went to the market early morning to get some ingredients intending to whip up a 'sumptuous' meal for the monkeys. In the end, the dishes I made with all my heart lost to my MIL's everyday's cooking.

Nevertheless, the monkeys still gave some face and finished the food.... reluctantly.... *Haiz*

Here are what was prepared=)

逆境

2011-08-14T10:27:00.001+08:00

3：43pm不是我爱耍酷。而是我不知道该跟你说什么。难道我们夫妻两儿也开始走向婚姻的尽头？无缘无故受人白眼。老公除了玩电动，什么都不管。做得再好也没人欣赏。这种日子，不是因为孩子，哪儿过得下去？

2011-08-14T09:08:00.000+08:00

People always say that a stable relationship is built on compromise, trust, etc.
But what would happened when 1 party compromise and the other party continues?

This is what happening to me all these times.
The difference is that I dunno if he's the one giving in or I'm the one.

I realised I seems to know less of him now.
He's more like a stranger to me.
All he have in his heart is his games, his friends...
There seems to have no place for me or the kids.

I'm sick and tired of talking to him, telling him how I feel, telling him what hurts me.
I'm not going to talk any more.

I was planning for a trip to Europe on our 10th year anniversary.
Now I wonder if we we can still be in good terms to lasts us till our Hong Kong trip in September.

不开心就什么都不去看，不去想，不去听。执行鸵鸟政策，当个鸟人!

A Father's Message from Beyond the Grave

2011-08-01T10:01:00.000+08:00

A FATHER'S RULES FOR FINDING FULFILLMENT

Be courteous, be punctual, always say please and thank you, and be sure to hold your knife and fork properly. Others take their cue on how to treat you from your manners.

Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own. Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.

Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.

Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.
Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.

Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.

Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.

Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.

Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.

Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.

Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.

Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire. Compromise can be king.

Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.

Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to . . . which is why I have chosen them carefully.

Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.

Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.

Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.

Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.

Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages. When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.

Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.

Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.

Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give you one, devise your own.

Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.

Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.

Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.

Look after your body and it will look after you.

Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!

And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.

Extracted from: http://sg.yahoo.matchmove.com/news/article/a-fathers-message-from-beyond-the-grave

2011-07-16T23:48:00.000+08:00

我明白快乐是由内心的。内心不开心，外来的东西更不可能给你快乐。
怨天由人是没用的。与其在那儿怨天怨地，倒不如把时间花在规划自己的未来。
付出跟得到的永远都不可能是一样的。。。
牺牲是自己开心甘愿做的，别人往往都不会因为你所做的牺牲而给你特别的待遇。
人的价值是起伏不定的。。。这一秒你可能值百万，下一秒你可能连一个元都不值。

快乐和悲伤都是自己给自己的。。。从来都不是别人给的。。。

凡是都得靠自己。因为只有自己是不会让自己倒下去的。。。

2011-07-07T11:32:00.000+08:00

Would u regret if u're not the first in my heart anymore?

I can't find any reason to put you in the first place after what u've done to me.

Maybe I shouldn't be asking so much from you after marriage. I should've known better.. Afterall, we've been married for almost 10 years.

How long the marriage last is only a number game. It is not equivalent to how much one loves another, or hw deep ones love is.

I'm tired of asking. Tired of handling 4 kids when I only have 3 and the other one is a big kid capable to do anything on his own.

Peaceful life - 说得容易，做的难。。。

2011-07-01T20:18:00.000+08:00

It's tiring...

Life with 3 kids and without a maid is hell!
I think I overestimated myself.
I am totally incapable to handle 3 kids when I'm also studying at this time.
But I'm glad that my studies is coming to an end soon.
I can then focus more on my kids.
I dun want to be a super-career woman.
All I want is to be there with my kids when they need me and to be able to improve our communication as they grow up.

Nothing is more satisfying than seeing your kids grow up into a healthy being - mind and body.
To put it crudely, they are my benchmarks, my scorecards...
Their success is my success and their failure mine.
I want to be the best mother I can be.
I want to shake free the traditional parenting style.
I need to learn...
And learning starts from these little beings....

2011-06-07T02:20:00.001+08:00

Feel so stressed up !!!

Work is never ending.
Struggling hard to understand what are the lecturers talking about in class and also to comprehend what these 2 modules are about.
My stupid wound is not healing! It's freaking giving me problems!
Advance theory expiring next Feb, I am not even ready to go for the test!

What the hack!!!!!!!

2011-05-29T12:46:00.002+08:00

This blog has been long abandoned by me due to my hectic schedule and my uninteresting life.

But now I found a new interest to this blog and it is to dump all my unhappiness here.

As u can see, not many ppl actually read blogs anymore (other than blogstore and blogs from famous blogger).

So I think this place is a good place to pour our whatever unhappiness I'm feeling inside me without all the Kpos spying...

I feel like my happiness is built on the mood of my hubby.

When he's happy, I feel like the most-blessed woman on earth.

But when he's in one of his mood, often I'll feel so in-dignified.

Yes, I know... We're considered 老夫老妻 but I guess if you're truly in love with someone, most of the conflicts of feeling u have will be very much the same as those 'new' couples.

Most of the time when my father is not using the lorry, and we have to go somewhere, I'll ask him to use the lorry instead of taking a cab. I mean 'why spend money when we can save some'???

Most of the time he will give me a LJ face even though he agree to drive.

And me, I will feel so fed-up with his LJ face that I'll just grumble all the way, spoiling whatever good and nice mood we're in at that time.

And often, I'll feel so in-dignified; that all my sacrifices were not appreciated.

Life is hard but I believe that if both of us are willing to get through it together, everything will be easier.

But I often felt so... how should I say? ...... just so down, so sad....

Because often when in need, I will realize that no one is with me.

My mum never cares about me, neither is anyone in my family.

Whatever thing I've done, it's always all my fault...

Even though such thing happened to another one before me, they'll never give me the privilege of the same treatment.

My Mother in law are too caught up with the kids that even if she wants to, she has no ability to bother much about me.

Joe... My man.... The one I thought I could entrust my whole life to...

All he cares about is his game.

I can die today.... Everyone can today... But he will not be affected at all.

Nobody's well being is as important to his addiction to the virtual world.

Sometimes I wonder what have I got myself into.

I hate the life I'm having now.

I always believe that 吃亏就是占便宜。

But sometimes I wonder if this is really the case.........

2011-03-20T00:44:00.000+08:00

The story goes:

This lady cheated on her husband and sort of got hooked up with the husband's best friend.
The husband caught them kissing in bed...
He was furious but did nothing and walked off.
The wife gave chase & caught up with the husband, but as the husband wants to be alone, he left the wife without another word.
Few hours later, the wife and husband met up.
The wife wants to know what the husband wants to do.
The wife thought that since the husband saw everything with his own eyes, he would surely demand a divorce.
She braced herself and waited for the 'verdict'.
The husband said nothing for some time... neither did the wife.
Finally, the husband broke the silence, he said "Let's forget everything and start afresh...".
The wife was shocked.. but over the moon by the husband's decision.

What do you comprehend from this story?

230211

2011-02-23T22:06:00.001+08:00

No one is with me when I need someone..... 什么是家人？？？

Lady Gaga - Born This Way

2011-02-20T10:11:00.002+08:00

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'Cause you were born this way, baby

My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir

"There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are"
She said, "'Cause He made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up, girl and you you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"

I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
(Born this way)

Ooo, there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way)
Ooo, there ain't other way
Baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be!

Give yourself prudence and love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice the truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey, hey, hey)
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah

I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Ooo, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way )
Ooo, there ain't other way
Baby, I was born way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

( Queen ,
Don't be , Queen )

Don't be drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'Cause baby, you were born this way

No matter gay, straight or bi
lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
chola or orient made
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to be brave

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, yeah!

Ooo, there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way )
Ooo, there ain't other way
Baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!

I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!

(My impression of Lagy-Gaga changed after I heard this song)

2011-02-14T12:39:00.000+08:00

这一段感情我应该继续努力还是潇洒的放弃？

2011-02-14T11:22:00.003+08:00

I should have known that it's impossible to make a man behaves the way that he should behave.
一起生活了那么久，但我却觉得枕边人越来越像陌生人。
我不再认识他是谁。。不知他心里想什么。。。不知他要什么。。。
我等了十年。以为再等他年纪大一点，变得会想一点，日子就会好过一点。。。
但是我错了。。。而且是大错特错。。。。

Feel...,

2011-01-27T22:01:00.001+08:00

I know, finally, what I'm unhappy about. The reason behind my emotional roller coaster and the reason his image kept popping into my mind uninvited recently. To me, act of service is my love language. I believe that when u love someone, u r willing to do everything for that person. Joe doesn't agree on this. He sees this as a kind of dependence. He doesn't like it when I request for 'act of service' as he feels that I'm too dependent on him to get things done. And the difference in value causes us arguments often. Nearly 8 yrs into our marriage, mutual understanding becomes a puff of smoke. I dun understand him any more than he understand me. (But if that's the case, what keep our marriage going?) I would say 'the kids' took up 80%, and the inability to live another life other than the current one accounts for the rest keep us together. We're too used to each other. From the time we stepped into adulthood, both of us are there for each other. The thought of living apart is alien to us both. Thus, the fear stopped us from leaving each other. I dunno if this is what 天长地久 is all abt. If it is, I would say it involves a substantial amount of sacrifices. Though some are hugh sacrifices, but, at least, with our current situation, it keeps us in check. (We're still here to fulfill our responsibilities as parents..) As for the image part, let me think again to see if my reasoning makes sense. I think I'm starting to write incoherently.A troubled mind can never think straight....

2011-01-16T18:18:00.003+08:00

If you notice my FB status these few days, it's all either about Travis worsen mother tongue or about smoking cessation.

Yes, these are the 2 things thats is the center of my attention now.
Not my studies, not my work, but these 2 things.

The Chinese tutor said that Travis will hv to take K2 standard i/o P2 standard.
Yes, that may sounds exaggerating to most ppl but not to me.
Last few days, we try to make him converse with us in mandarin.
He was reluctant to do so initially saying that he dun know how to speak in mandarin neither does he understand anything in the language.
After some encouragements and a few tries, he manage to say a few sentences with funny accent.
Hub and I are determine to improve his chinese before he progress to P3 next year.
If appropriate measures are not taken, we can expect to 'see red' for his Chinese tests every time.

As for quit smoking , I haven't touched a cigarette for about 10 days.
I'm proud of myself this time.. truly proud!
Because when I say I didnt touched cigarette for 10 days, I really mean not even once TOUCHED the cigarette for the whole 10 days, neither do I have any THOUGHTS or URGE of picking up the cigarette the whole time.
Though this might sound corny, but I must really thank my sis for introducing that website to me.
It better prepare me and answer all doubts I have during this cessation period.
2 weeks of cessation and I'm considered a 'graduate'.
This means that after 2 weeks (of not touching even a single stick of cigarette), all nicotines will be flushed out of my body together with other chemicals that made me hooked on cigarette.
I will be out of withdrawal state completely and I will not yearn for anymore cigarette (or nicotine, in actual case).
I will be completely out of the devils crib then!

Yes, I know I have said 101 times that I want to quit smoking and always go back to smoking within a month.
But I am serious everytime.
I hope that this will be my final try and I will succeed doing it.
Bless me!!!

I have been quit for 1 Week, 2 Days, 12 hours, 5 minutes and 33 seconds (9 days). I have saved $97.88 by not smoking 190 cigarettes. I have saved 15 hours and 50 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 1/7/2011 6:31 AM

2011-01-10T10:56:00.002+08:00

Grenade - Bruno Mars

Easy come, Easy go,

that's just how you live

oh, take take take it all,

but you never give.

Should've know you was trouble,

from the first kiss, had your eyes wide open,

why were they open?

Gave you what I had and you tossed it in the trash,

you tossed in the trash you did,

to give me all your love is all I ever asked, 'cos,

What you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for you

Throw my head on a plate for you

I'd jump in front of a train for you

You know I'd do anything for you.

Oh, oh, I would go through all this pain,

take a bullet straight through my brain,

yes I would die for you baby,

but you won't do the same.

No, no no no.

Black black, black and blue,

beat me 'till I'm numb,

tell the devil I said hey when you get back to where you're from,

Mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are,

yeah, you'll smile in my face,

then rip the brakes out my car.

Gave you what I had and you tossed it in the trash,

you tossed it in the trash yes you did.

to give me all your love is all I ever asked,

cos, What you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for you

Throw my head on a plate for you

I'd jump in front of a train for you

You know I'd do anything for you.

Oh, oh, I would go through all this pain,

take a bullet straight through my brain,

yes I would die for you baby,

but you won't do the same.

If my body was on fire,

ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames,

You said you loved me, you're the liar,

'cos you never, ever, ever did baby.

But darling, I'll still

catch a grenade for you

Throw my head on a plate for you

I'd jump in front of a train for you

You know I'd do anything for you.

Oh, oh, I would go through all this pain,

take a bullet straight through my brain,

yes I would die for you baby,

but you won't do the same.

No you won't do the same,

You wouldn't do the same,

ooh, you never do the same,

no no no no.

2011-01-10T10:34:00.002+08:00

Last few days have been different. Or should I say the last one week is different?

From the last day of 2010, I have been having serious cough and flu that wouldn't go away even after 2 visits to the doctors and 1 complete course of antibiotics.

Sis commented that maybe it's a sign for me to stop smoking after I posted about my plight on FB.

That few days were hell!
The constant coughing, the phlegms that were choking me waking me up from sleep and the pain I felt on my chest. I thought that was the start of the end of me.
Knowing something must be done to stop the suffering, I thought I should either jolly-well stop smoking or I might as well start digging my own grave.
With the hope to spend a few more years with my precious', i chose the former without any hesitation.

Sis showed me a book, Freedom from Nicotine - The Journey Home by Joel Spitzer, prior to the cough and flu attack.
It is an ebook made available on Whyquit.com to help smokers like me to give up this nasty habit.
Not sure if it's due to the past experience or the knowledge this book bring forth, or the combination of both, cessation seems a lot more easier this time round.
I know what to expect during and after cessation and thus I am now better prepared to handle situations which probably would cause me a relapse in the past.

Today is the 3rd day of cessation and is expected to be the worst day during the cessation period.
According to Joel, I can expect to have the worst craving today.
Joel wrote in his book:

The brain makes substantial progress in reversing tolerance-induced de-sensitivities within 72 hours of ending all nicotine use. Withdrawal anxieties will peak, begin to diminish and the worst will be behind you.

After today, everything will be easier.
I hope I am able to stop this nasty habit of mine this time.
The many-attempts to do so previously had slowly taken its toll on me.
Once, I thought I could never have the courage to go for another attempt again and would be enslaved forever to cigarette - a terrible mistake i made as a child.
At least, now, I am motivated to try again and is much better prepared than before.
I really hope that this time it would be a lifelong success. =)

二零一一

2011-01-01T23:43:00.001+08:00

我对一切的一切感到厌倦。我不想再理，不想再去管。就让一切顺其自然。

2010-12-25T17:04:00.001+08:00

歌曲：原来爱情这么伤

我睁开眼睛却感觉不到天亮
东西吃一半莫名其妙哭一场
我忍住不想时间变得更漫长
也与你有关否则又开始胡思乱想

我日月无光忙得不知所以然
找朋友交谈其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯有你在才是习惯
你曾住在我心上现在空了一个地方
原来爱情这么伤比想象中还难
泪水总是不听话幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强道理全是一样
说的时候很简单爱上后却正巧打乱
只想变的坚强强到能够去忘
无所谓悲伤只要学会抵抗
原来爱情这么伤
原来爱情是这样这样峰回路转
泪水明明流不干瞎了眼还要再爱一趟
有一天终于打完思念的一场战
回过头再看一看
原来爱情那么伤
下次还会不会这样



2010-12-17T19:40:00.001+08:00

对老公好被批评。对老公坏也被批评。我受够了！

Thoughts

2010-12-09T00:15:00.001+08:00

What's the point of having people by your side when none of them cares for you? Haha! Ironic life!

2010-12-05T01:28:00.001+08:00

Still remember how we used to promised 'forever' to people who meant so much to us?
I realized now that forever is a long time...
And a hard promise to keep....

After all I've been through, I don't ask for 'forever' anymore.
I only want the experience of 'once-had-it'.

Forever is a strong word that should be locked in the abyss of Davis Jones locker....

2010-12-05T01:12:00.000+08:00

My sis once said - Time seems to be dragging when you're in your teens, running when you're in your twenties and flying once you hit thirties.
Time just go by faster as you age.. They will never slow down.

In a blink of an eye, Yati have been with us for nearly 3 years.
Though I've said it umpteen times, but this time she's really leaving.
Departure date has been set, tix has been booked.
In another few months, I'm gonna be maid-less....

I consider myself very lucky to have her as my helper.
For the time she's been with us, she has helped me in many ways.
And I'm really grateful to her for being such a great help all these time!

I have no intention to hire another maid since Rhys will be going to school next year.
And the course I'm takings will also be ending next August.
I will just have to endure a few months of inconvenience and, after my course ends, everything will be much easier.

Hopefully I can manager well without a maid.
And Yati will be able to live a good life after she return to Indonesia.

violet's bday celebration after PHRM exam

2010-11-30T21:19:00.001+08:00

The celebration suppose to be in Oct. But as we were all busy with work n studies at that time, we could only celebrate her bday now.. We went over after our PHRM exam. Hub joined us after work.. Eliza's bf, Daniel, was present too. Throughout the whole session, Daniel peel the shells of the crab and prawns for us. He did something funny during the dinner - he had sashimi with chocolate fondue. =P No one told Violet that this was suppose to be her celebration. We only let her know when we're about to leave the restaurant. She was so happy N thanked us over and over again... Lol! After saying so much, I think it slip my mind to mention where we had our dinner. We went to Kuishin-Bo at Great World City! Though the celebration was a small one, but everyone enjoyed it tremendously. Guess we should do this more often =)

Looks...

2010-11-28T02:03:00.000+08:00

Looks.. Anyone with a face have looks.

Difference is only good looks or bad looks..

I know.. the opening is crap.

So let me come straight to the main point now.

I have this friend... a guy friend in his early thirties.

Ok, I'll describe a little about his look.

He's more of a ruggard.. Stout (big size & not too tall).

Normal looking...

Everytime we meet, he will have comment like 'he look like shit.', "this woman really 'buang'!", for somebody.. Be it someone he know or passersby....

Sometimes I dun understand... What's this thing about looks???

Why do this fellow have to criticize people's look when he himself is no Manhunt material???

Yes, I agree that everyone have to look best when out socializing..

This is a form of respect for others as well as yourself.

This is also basic courtesy.

But does that mean that all of us have to doll ourselves up to look like Namie Amuro or Ayumi Hamasaki???

If looking your best means that you could only look like Rosie in PCK, is there anything wrong with that???

Seriously, I dun understand what is wrong with him...

Is a pretty face vital to have a happy family????
Do I need the same to lead a fulfilling life (Yes if fulfilling translate to having tons of 'bees' at your beck and call anytime!)

Beauty still fade once you grow old.
U can age beautifully, but I dun think that means you have to look 20 all your life..

In my opinion, beauty attracts people to you but it's your attitude that retains them..

Most guys understand that to have a happy & blissful family doesn't mean marrying the hottest chick on earth.
It means to marry someone with responsibilities, right attitude in life, and someone who love and care for you...

It's just too bad that this guy understand nothing of it....

I hope he could look things from another perspective...
Cos', really, being pretty is no big deal afterall.....

2010-11-09T22:51:00.001+08:00

不知道为什么今晚特别有感触。。。
可能是因为老公不在家，我的思维特别的不老实！

回想起了许多东西。
从我十二岁一直想到现在。
我与母亲与姐弟与外公外婆和舅舅阿姨从小到大的关系。。。
也想起了我从小到大的好朋友－雨纯，淑欽，佩思，娃娃，Angela, Alan, Gracie, KC, Karen Yang，Fiona Charmaine。。。
党然，也有我爱过的人。。。我爱却又得不到的人。。。
还有爱我的人。。。。

好多事情想回来真觉得有些遗憾。。
但我又能怎样？
我只能尽量把美好的回忆保存起来，把不好的回忆当成笑话－一笑而过。

人的一生只有数十年之久，不能每件事都太认真。
当然，我们也不能游戏人生。。
人生就像是一场戏，一场梦，一场麻将。
戏看了就算了，别太认真。　
梦醒了就没了，别执著不放。
麻将不到最后一秒是不能定输赢的－人生也一样。。。

做人能开心就多笑点。
伤心时就痛哭一场。
哭完了，就收拾心情继续向前走。
人生还是美妙的＝）

2010-10-31T01:10:00.000+08:00

Halloween night!!!!!!!

Was suppose to go Shanghai Dolly with my dear Sis... but in the end, she fly me aeroplane =(

The trip to the beach today was cancelled as Baby Rhys is having a fever. MIL brought him to the doctor.
He dun usually take naps in the afternoon, be he slept for a few hours after medication this afternoon.

The boys have all growp up.
Looking at them sometimes make me feel so....... old?

Sometimes I can't believe I have a 7yo son when I'm only 24yo!
Most of my peers are still in the pick-&-choose stage.
They are still enjoying their life while I'm here nurturing my offsprings...
It's amazing, isn't it?!

Seems like a long long time sine I load their photos here. Here are some pics of my monkeys....

28 Oct 2010

2010-10-28T20:57:00.001+08:00

Finally, quizzes are all over!! I can now focus on the only project left - PHRM.. And of course my well deserved break before I start revising for exam after that. =)Hubby promised to bring the monkeys to the beach this Friday upon travis's request. I'm thinking if I should bring them to Tanjong beach or easy coast beach.. Any suggestions??? I have been neglecting my monkeys recently due to my hectic schedule. I couldn't even be there when Travis first tooth dropped. Conversations are mostly over the phone. The kids were all in bed when I reach home.. I sun even have a chance to say goodnight to them!! I see them like only 4 times a week if I'm lucky. If not, I could have no contact with them for few days at once.. I feel so bad neglecting them like that. Sometimes, I wonder why do I have to do all these. Why dun I just give up everything to be with my darlings. The only reason I can give myself is that I need to go through this to provide the monkeys with better life. That's the reason why I choose to take up part time studies.. And also why I always want to do well in my studies.. Talking about studies, i realised the bonds we have within my group seems to be breaking up. Everyone seem so cordial with each other. Not like how we used to be in the past. I blame myself for it, honestly. I think the twist is due to me not being understanding enough. I should have been less pushy, less negative, and hv more faith in my groupmates... I know what I do now will not salvage the situation. I can only accept the fact and hope no more further problems will arise. Time flies, the last lesson of POM will be next Monday and PHRM will be the Thursday after next. I'm looking forward to have my break before the next module starts =P I'm gonna have great time before repeating the whole hellish process again!!!! =)

Genting trip update 2

2010-10-10T11:36:00.001+08:00

Woke up at 11:30am on day 2. Went for buffet lunch at First World Cafe. Stayed till ard 2:30pm before we proceed to the game arcade. The whole day was spent between the game arcade and casino. Though we lost quite a bit in the casino, but nevertheless, hub n I still had fun and was in high spirit when we return to our room.

Dinner at Merry Brown. We packed the food back to the room as we want to watch the show that's showing. Hubby tried the cigar we bought on the way back to our room. It's peach favour. Not bad.. I sorta like it. Slept ard 12am. Hubby was still watching tv then...

Day 3 - woke up at 7:30am and had breakfast. Slacked in the room most of the time.. Packed up and got ready by 10:30am n we proceed to starbucks to have a cuppa coffee before we board the bus..

This trip was fun, enjoyable and undoubtedly pull hub and I closer.. Planning for another trip next March. But this time, the kids will come with us. :)

Genting 2010

2010-10-09T03:44:00.001+08:00

Updates on Genting trip :)

7/10 (9:30pm)
Reached Kovan bus terminal and have MacSpicy with dearie as we wait for the bus to arrive.

(9:50pm)
Realised my wallet is missing. Hub ran back to mac to help search for it while I hold the bus. Sadly, it wasn't found.

Started calling the banks to cancel all my cards. I had the busiest half an hour on board the bus!

(10:57pm)
Just exited Malaysia custom checkpoint.. Stepped into the land of our neighbour - Malaysia. I love the night sky of Malaysia. It's so beautiful with little stars like sparkling diamonds hanging. Looking forward to see the stars when the coach gets deeper into the country n street lamps are wider apart. The sky will be the most beautiful then.

8/10 (12:05am)
The coach came to a hawker centre where all the other coaches drove their passengers here for a break before continueing their journey. Hub n I had some dim sum n a cup of coffee. Know what??? Hub bought 6 packets of ciggie!!!

1:15am
I dunno what's wrong today. There's not a single star I can see on the sky! This is such great disappointment!! I'm going to sleep NOW!

(03:17am)
We've reached the foot of the hill. The coach has just passed the guard house. We'll be reaching the terminal in approximately 1 hr. I can't wait!

(03:33am)
The bus reached First World Terminal. Funny, I remember the bus took almost an hour to reach the top the last time we were here. It took only 15 mins this time!

My teeth was cluttering from the cold the minute I alighted from the bus. Hub had no choice but to pass his jacket to me. With a shirt and 2 jackets, the cold is still unbearable. I wonder how hubby stand the cold with just a t-shirt on. Oh god! He seems so beyond human suddenly~

(4:00am)
Proceed to check into the hotel but was told that our reservation was cancelled. Can u believe it?! That is totally absurd!!!

After a gruelling 30mins, we finally got a room. But points can't be deducted as the hotel is doing a updating of the system. Was told to go back down to the reception counter at 6:00am & they'll try to make a deduction of points from the card when the system updating was done.

(4:30am)
Checked into a room with 2 single beds.. Hello!!!!!! Do we look like mother and son or father and daughter? Can't u tell that we're couples?? Why allocate single beds for us?

Boiling, I called the reception again and request to change to another room. Was told that we have to wait till 12pm to do the change of room as there is no room available now! Ok! I'm here for some winding down, not to fight.. I'll compromise!

(5:30am)
Received a call from the reception counter informing us that the system updating is done but unfortunately, the deduction of points cannot be done as the card holder is not here. Damn! Why do the reservation side and hotel have different standards. One tell me yes and another tell me no! F*ck it!!! Screw them!

The hotel staff, in a way, compensated us for the mess. We got 1 night stay free. Alright, that was reasonable. But still I have to fork out RM400+ for the accomodation. I'm not very happy about it!

(6:00am)
Proceed to the reception counter. Paid the fees and was told that we will be able to change to another room with queen size bed and a view. But still I have to wait till 12pm!

Went around looking for food and decided on KFC. Not a great meal. The food taste bad! But still, we finished everything as we're famished!

7:00am
Returned to the room and rest, finally!

(11:15am)
Awake and get ready to go to the reception counter. We waited for about 20mins and was allocated another room with 2 single size beds and mountain view as rooms with queen size bed with view are all fully taken!!!! Fine! I'm already too drained to start another arguement. And on top of that, what's the point of argueing with them?! I gladly accept the arrangemen and proceed to my room. Ok, at least the view lights up my mood. :)

We left the luggage in the room and walk around. Lunch at 好友记快餐。Thereon, me and hub decided to stick to fastfood for these few days we're here. And also make a mental note to avoid KFC.

(2:00pm)
Reached casino. Walked around, played a few games and lost it all! Yes, 'sway' right?! But luckily me, I stopped in time and lost a little. Hub? He got no better luck either..

(3:00pm)
Left the casino with the thought to return to room for a nap. But halfway through, hub was being 'seduced' by a game and we spent some time in the arcade.

Half way through, I check my mobile and realised I received 4 missed calls from a private number. Knowing who could hve called me, I return call with hub's mobile. Thought it was from my mil but guessed wrong. It was prince Travis calling to ask if he could use the computer.

(4:00pm)
The last king in street-fighter game is impossible to beat! Nevertheless, hub had fun playing with it. Saw Mabel while walking to the lift and had a short conversation. Hadn't met that babe for like 10 years and she looked great! We bid each other good bye and went seperate ways.

(5:00pm)
Other than the last king in street-fighter game, there's another creature we had hard rime fighting and that's the Zzz-monster. Succumbed to it, we fell asleep...

(8:00pm)
Receved a call from my dearie Dariz. Half awake, I chided him for calling me for no important reason. Was about to hang up when I heard Travis voice in the background. Again, it was Travis who made Dariz call mr to ask if they can play with the computer. That fellow!!!!

Decidee that it's time to get up for dinner before the eateries are closed, I got up and wake hubby up as well. He was so relunctant to do that but still, he managed to get off the bed after some coaxing.

Washed up and proceed to the foodcourt for our dinner. Had claypot chicken rice and hub, chicken and beef set from the teppanyaki stall. Walked around the mall before we decide to go Starbucks for his dose of coffee. Hub is a hardcore coffee addict! He had 2 cups of coffee straight while I stay faithful to my only cup of caramel frappacino. Realised we could access to wi-fi here and had the first connection to the outside world since we're here.

(11:30pm)
Decided to call it a day and returned to the room. Played around with the fake eye-lashes I just bought online and relised eyes looked bigger with it. No wonder so many girls are willing to splurge on such things. They could really do wonders!

2010-10-05T23:42:00.000+08:00

Dinner with the kids at S-11 AMK central this evening.

I swear I can never do without a maid for the next 10 years!!!!!!

The kids almost drove me crazy with the few hours we were at AMK central.

But then again, kids are still kids.

How well-behaved do you expect them to be???

reached home around 8.30pm and started on my PHRM project.

Frankly, I can't stand the nonchalant attitude of my group mates anymore.

I just dun understand why is it that after a few discussion, still nothing was done.

So I did whatever was discussed the other day - as a kick start of the project.

Tomorrow will be a busy day.

After work, I will have to meet the rest of my mates for POM project discussion.

I just fell that they rely on me too much.

Can't they go on with the project without me?

Why is it that I must be there for all the discussions?

Ok! I think I'm over-estimating myself.

Guess the reason they need me to be there is due to my out-going and cheerful personality and the ability to make the whole discussion session more lively.. (Ok, I know... it's the same over-estimating-myself again =P)

Whatever it is...

This will be the last time I'm with them.

And the last time I can do something for them.

So... No matter how I'm being used... This will be the last time...

Live and let live..

Forget everything and do what I should.

For they also brought to me undeniable good memories for the times we're together...

2010-10-05T18:40:00.001+08:00

Another 3 more days and I'll be at Genting!!
My well deserved vacation!! I can hadly wait!!!

*Studies*
This is already the 6th week of the current modules.
Marketing lesson is so fun with Dylan (lecturer) around.
But, sadly, we can't comment the same for PHRM.
Diana lectures at NYP and this is the first time she's taking on part time assignment.
We try to let her know what is our expectation of a lecturer but it seems like she have totally no way of getting those in her head.
In the end, we have no choice but to feedback to the school.
We totally have no idea what Diana is teaching about.
The highest our class scored for the first class test is only 77% compared to the usual 95%.
That is so demoralising!
We request to have the lecturer changed.
Till now, the school is still investigating.
We really hope that something can be done on the school'd part.

Another 2 weeks to project submission.
As usual, the projects are not even half done yet!
I'm (still) disappointed with some of my group members and I'm seriously considering changing to another group next module.

Haiz~
Whatever it is.. I just want to break out of it!

Hopefully, the project will be in time for submission...

Mum-in-law is not home tonight.
I'll be bringing the kids out for dinner at AMK central before we do some shopping at NTUC.
Some us-time with the kids = <3 Love <3

2010-09-29T21:40:00.000+08:00

I feel so demoralised sometimes.
Feel like a fool... stupid moron!

2010-09-25T13:30:00.000+08:00

As usual..

I logged into my blogger account wanting to blog.

But when I was directed to the 'new post' page, my mind went blank.....

2010-09-07T21:03:00.000+08:00

4 Sept 2010

T & D started their first swimming lesson this morning. Their instructor's name is Randy. Was told by the swimming school that Randy has had 3 years of experience taking lessons. I was expecting a guy in his late 20s when but the instructor turn out to be some who looked like he just graduated from Poly. That really gave me a shock! But then looks can be deceiving.. As long as there is result in 3 months, I think we can consider him as a good instructor already.

5 Sept 2010

Brought the kids to library except Travis cos he was being uncooperative when my maid asked him to get changed. Borrowed some books for them. Hopefully it'll keep them occupied during this 1 week school holiday. On the way home, showed D & R the mimosa plant at the side of the pathway. They were fascinated! They spent some time 'interacting' with the mimosas. Took some pics of them in action and have uploaded (a few) to FB. Catch them there if you want =)

6 Sept 2010

Went to class after work. It was drizzling the whole time.. Guess I should be considered lucky that the drizzle didn't turn into a downpour or I would have been stuck in the office as I have no brolly with me.

Dylan prove to be a very good lecturer. He gives life examples every time he introduce us to a new topic and explained detailed enough for us to understand what it's all about without being confused by excessive information. And yes - Dylan's class is always full of laughter...

Group members stayed back for a while after class to discuss on the group meeting this coming Saturday. All agree on meeting at Yishun Safra. As usual, Great Samaritan Mr Alvin will be driving us there (from just Yishun MRT to Yishun Safra =P).

7 Sept 2010

Everything's fine today except for some arguments with Joe. As usual, we argued about the same old thing.. Ask him to wake up and guide Travis on his maths homework. Sent him an email with all the relevant information and also follow up a call. Instead, he slept till 12.30pm (he gotta leave for work at 1pm) without giving Travis any instructions. While coaching Travis, he kept calling me and tell me that Travis doesn't want to listen to him, Travis being rude to him, etc... I was like... WTF?! You're his freaking father and u can't even handle your son???? Hey, this is the biggest joke ever, man!!

On Marriage

I dunno how long this marriage will last but, much like others, I hope it will be till the end of time. Thinking back of those empty promises he made me, I can't help but feel the anger brewing within me. As much as I hate the way he handle things, I still love him..

Things change, people change.. everything in this world change except change itself. I can't expect that he stay the same Joey as before. That would be too unrealistic. What I could do is to accept - accept the change and the way he is. Of course, this only applies when things aren't being carried too far. As much as I would like to accept everything about him, I am nothing but mere human with normal human temperament. I will still curse and swear when I'm angry, cry when I'm sad and have the desire to end all sufferings. Hopefully, things would not deteriorate any further... Or my marriage...........

Feels good writing a blog without feeling the 'writer's-block'. Gotta go now.. Still need to teach Travis on his ordinals.. Till then, take care!

2010-09-03T08:45:00.001+08:00

Each of us have the same amount of time. While I have to divide my time between working, studying, the kids & slp, you just have to divide yours between working, gaming & slp.

U can forsake sleep for gaming. Forsake your time with the kids for gaming. Forsake your precious time just for gaming... Regardless if there's anything require your attention, u will always be gaming. Why?!

Dun u know this is unhealthy? Unhealthy for you, for our family, our relationship?

The kids need help with their school work, need someone to discipline them in my absense, but all u do is gaming. Or better, you'll act as if you try, give up after a moment and say you can do nothing about it. If you can go to great length to achieve something in your game, why can't you put in the same amount of effort in your kids?

I dun understand why must you be so selfish and inconsiderate. You never bother if something u do is inconvenient to others, you just do what you want.

We took a vow to be together through thick and thin. But seems like nothing of such happen! Whenever I need consolation, comfort, or just plain help, you will never be there for me.. You can let you frenx scold me *bitch* without saying anything.. Are u a wimp or what??or are u just plain feeling-less? How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

You never bother about my feelings. I am just no one to you....

I'm not going to say anymore things in future. Do whatever you like, i'm giving up trying. (2 can play the same game) U can hurt this marriage as much as u want.. It doesn't concern me anymore!

2010-08-29T22:39:00.001+08:00

I know one day I will have to bear all consequences of my actions.

I always thought that as long as I can make my kids grow up to be someone successful, even by being fierce and strict to them to the extent that they hate me, I am fine with it all... As long as they hv the ability to defend for themselves & survive in a world full of intense competitions, my job is considered done.

But today, I realise love is a funny thing. It has the ability to make ppl do things that will hurt the person they love without realizing...

I want to be a good mother, a good wife, a good daughter/daughter-in-law. I love my sons, my husband, my in laws... But to do a good job in all the roles suffocates me.

It's time I realise I'm not a superwoman..

I should change the way I handle the kids, my marriage & my in laws... Afterall, nothing in this world is more important then kinship...

2010-08-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

Good times coming to an end like everything else....

I'm starting my new job this Wednesday.

Feeling kinda excited..

Hopefully I can stay in this job..

I mean....

Well, let's just say I have tough luck...

Am sourcing for a tutor for Travis.

But still considering my option..

Either private or group tuition..

But I think private tuition works better for him as he's sort of like a 'chameleon'.

Hopefully there will be improvement in his studies after that..

2010-08-19T21:18:00.000+08:00

Another boring night...

Went swimming with Travis & Rhys today and Joe since he is not working today.

It was fun! !

Saw a group of little children from ChaoYang School in the pool.

Though they look a little different from us, but it's actually the same.

I was sitting by the baby pool when they walked pass and one of them even smile at me... Just like any other nice little kid would do.

Reached home around 6pm and have been slacking since.

Sianx~ Joe has slept already...

And I dun feel at all tired... Haiz~

It's gonna be a long lonely night =(

Might go drinking with friends later..

But not confirm yet...

I dunno will I still be awake by the time he call..

Lol!

I feel better after I put the big 'stone' in me down...

And I realised I'm not as moody as before.

Watched a movie with Joe the other day with an App on my iPhone.

Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang

Nice storyline, nice actors/actresses.
I will not go into any details, you shall watch for yourself should you want to know how good this show is. =)

Guess I gotta go have a cuppa milk.
A cuppa milk before bed make me sleep better..

Still thinking.... Should I go for the drinking session later???

2010-08-19T00:03:00.001+08:00

Love is so impractical. I spent my best years with the man I love but in the end all I've got is shit from him. I don't understand how man works.. And I don't like it. Especially not knowing hw the one sleeping beside me thinks. I'm tired. I dun wanna try anymore.. I'll just let nature take its course.. Whatever will be.. Will be...

16 August 2010

2010-08-16T00:49:00.001+08:00

This is the day that....

- Rhys's first appointment with the speech therapist.

- Signing appoitment letter with my new employer

- Ms A's first appointment with her lawyer.. Sadly, it's a divorce case :(

- ROM on this date 7 years ago

- Xiao Ting's bday

- Violet's first day of work

2010-08-15T22:11:00.000+08:00

说我多愁善感是没错的。

我刚接到一通电话。
来电者是我多年死党。
她问我明天有没有空陪她去一个地方。
说着说着，她就哭起来了。。。
在哭声中，她告诉我她受不了她老公了，她明天要去律师那儿申请离婚。

我们认识了15年，从小玩到大。
有心事总会向对方倾诉。

认识了这么久，我知道她是个很好的妈妈，很好的太太。
我觉得一个像她那么好的女人应该有个美满的婚姻，幸福的家庭。
现在她却说她要离婚。。。
原因是因为她老公。。。

突然间我觉得世界很黑暗。
这世界根本就没有所谓永恒的爱情，没有幸福，没有美满的结局。。。
这些根本是骗人的东西。

最近的心情很不好。
因为甲先生对我不理不睬。。。
我们之前是很好的朋友。
但可能因为他的工作我们渐渐疏远了。

我朋友不多，所以当我有了个要好的朋友时，我会很珍惜他。
我试着拉回这份友情，但是。。。。。
我不开心了很久。。。
心理的苦闷无处倾诉。
我好讨厌这种感觉，我不想继续这样消沉下去。
我决定不再为了那一段拉不回的友情不开心下去。
我决定放下那段回忆。。。
祝我愉快吧！=）

x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x

Exam's over.
I can finally burn all the lecture notes!!
Lol!

2 weeks break before the next module start.
Just the correct timing..
I can concentrate on my new job..
Gotta bring Rhys for his appointment tomorrow @ KKH.
After that will acc my frenx to the law firm & lastly to my new employers office to sign appointment letter.

Yati will be going over to my aunt's place end of this month.
I will be without a helper then..
Hopefully I am able to cope with the life then..

Eough said..
Let us enjoy a hokkien song that I like so much..

父子情深

2010-08-13T21:54:00.002+08:00

才说要忘了你，又开始想念你。。。。

2010-08-10T21:12:00.001+08:00

Guess I did fairly well on my POE paper.
FA1 paper this Friday, hopefully I am able to do equally well, if not better... =)

Talking about faring in exam, I have not even started on my revision yet=P
Will be meeting Violet after interview tomorrow for a whole-day revision.
Hopefully there will still be enough time to cover all relevant topics.

I feel so fat!
Seems like the few kgs that I've lost previously has found its way back to me again..
Guess I should really watch my diet now..
With all illness running in my house, I'm so scared my body might be a 'headquarter' for them one day.

Sis has hypertension.
And as I know, this is heredity.
And I am certain I will also have such problem in the near future if my figures mark as my weight doesn't go down...
So, for the sake of my health, some changes are inevitable. =)

There's a job interview tomorrow at Raffles Place.
Don't know if I should go...
I'm in this state not because i'm frequent minded.
But due to some possible changes in the house which might need me to stay at home for a few months.

Whatever it is, I think I should just go for the interview.
An appointment has been made..
It's not nice if I fail to turn up.

Hubby is back to night shift this month..
So I'll be all alone at night...
Hate it when they put him on night shift!
Especially at a time like this!!!!!

2010-08-02T23:04:00.000+08:00

POE exam tomorrow...
I have been spending time doing revisions.. memorising formulas & definations...
Doing whatever I could to be prepared for this exam but it all seems futile!
I can't get much into my head...
I can't sleep well at night and it's making me feeling sleepy in the afternoon.
End result?? I can't concentrate during revisions....

Gotta wake up early for final revision tomorrow...
Gotta sleep soon~

2010-07-28T18:28:00.000+08:00

Another typical day of waiting.. waiting... waiting...

Alvin said to meet up today for revision.
As usual, without a confirm time, venue...
I'm not even sure if the meet up will be happening...

Haiz~

2010-07-25T14:08:00.000+08:00

As usual, the kids are now 'tearing the roof down'.
So noisy!!
Sometimes it get so bad that it makes me feel frustrated for no reason.
But I have to get used to it if I want to be a housewife..
This will be something I'll face everyday!

Going over to my mum's place later.
Mama is there now..
It has been weeks since I last brought the kids to my mum's place...

Left with the last week to study for POE exam.
I'll be doing revision daily.. either with friends or alone.
Hopefully I can still attain my desired result.... =)

Alvin sms me yesterday morning saying that we will have to skip the revision this coming Monday..
Haha~
Like I said in my last entry.... He will definitely 'stunt' me as the time drew nearer...
And I was right... again~

2010-07-23T09:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why must i make things so 'ugly' the other time.

At a situation as such, I should have just let one go and tighten on the rest.

I can't help when others are not as 'kan chiong' as me..

And if that's the case, why not I'll just go with the flow than to go against it??

Guess that's the way it should be to make thigs less ugly in future...

The elders sure make sense of their words most of the time..

做人应该 flexible 一点，日子就会好过一点。

2010-07-21T15:47:00.000+08:00

I wrote about alvin requesting to do revision next week for the whole week few days back...
I suddenly have this feeling that due to some 'unforseen circumstances', he will tell me that he couldn't make it at the alst minute.. Lol!

Ok.. I start to feel like a psychic whenever I talk about him..
He is so easily predictable..
So... unchallenging!! =P

Going for facial later.
The last session of the facial package.

Chat with Evon last evening.
Was told that Slimfit offers some kind of membership for 2 years @ $54000.
With the membership, you can choose to do whatever treatment you want at anytime.
I told hubby that, given my condition, he should get me the membership. =P

I'm left with about 2 weeks to study for my POE.
I should do that soon...
With the tips given by the HOD, guess we will be able to do well in the exam.. Hopefully....

2010-07-19T04:47:00.000+08:00

Another 10 days and I'm out of that black hole!

I am still thinking if I should look for another job or to stay at home and be a full time SAHM.
I will definitely be maid-less by September.
Mama's maid will be returning to Indo and Mama say she wants my maid if I'm letting her go.
Rhys will be 30 months old by then and will be in Childcare.
So Travis will be the only one at home with his granny most of the time.
Except doing some housework in the afternoon, I dunno how else can I contribute to the family by staying at home.

Will let Travis have tuition for English,Chinese & Maths starting next year if I decide to continue working.
If not, I will be coaching him personally.
Travis is lazy and forgetful.
He always forgets whatever he learn in school...
Now I understand how my mum feels when I was in school last time cos I was exactly the same when I was Travis age.. Lol!!

I can see myself in Travis.
I hate changes.. No matter what kind of changes.. Changes never fails to make me feel so insecure..
Travis hates it too... And I guess he feels the same as me...
It feels sort of funny to see yourself in another person.. especially someone who used to be part of you for 10 whole months.

Except for some money problem., life's still consider good.
R/s with hubby has never been rosier..
R/s with my in law, especially my MIL, is enviable by most ppl.
I shouldn't feel so down all the time.
But I dunno why I still do..
The thought of not working excites me..
But like I said, changes make me feel insecure..
Hence, it also bring forth some negative impacts emotionally.

Should I look for a job and continue working or should I just stay at home and look after the kids??

2010-07-17T03:11:00.001+08:00

The weather is so hot tonight..
I'm sweating!!

It's close to 3am and I'm trading my sleeping time for a blog post.
I guess it's at this time, when most people are in their dreamland and the world is in total silence except for the sound of vehicles passing by, the inspiration to write will surface.

MIL's brother and his wife are here from Malaysia for a short holiday.
We have to give up our bed to them and sleep in the living room this weekend.
I'm married to Joe for almost 10 years and this is the first time I meet the wife!

Got the results for the FA quiz 2 and project.
Sad to say, I did not do well in the quiz and got lousy marks for our project.
I feel so bad...
Because I was the one who did the project..
Me alone..
And it feels like I've dragged my groupmates' overall result down with my lousy work..
You know how that feels??
The feeling sucks!!!

Travis is reverting back to his old ways again..
Keep handing in blank papers.
I think it's best that I stay home and coach him in his studies.
Teach him to manage his time.
He is a big boy now and is at the age of learning these kind of management skills.
He needs someone who can guide him.. someone to always be there for him..

Some friends think that it's a waste for me to be a SAHM.
I mean... I'm studying now.. If I want to be a SAHM, what for do I continue my studies?
But I feel otherwise..
Study is my passion..
I like to study...
So.. Why not??
And if I want to return to the work force one day, the cert would come in handy...

Alvin request that we study together for our exams everyday starting 26th July.
So for the whole week thereafter, I would be busy studying with him...
And before that, I would be doing my own revision.
Age is catching up on me.. I find it so hard to remember the things lecturer taught in class...
I always have to do my own revision before I can understand the chapter taught...
Haiz~
There are so many graphs and formulas and laws in econs.
I'm gonna have a hard time remembering them all!!

It's near to impossible for me to get As in both my POE and FA (as my goal is to have straight As for all the modules)
My marks to date is still only in the 40s range (upon 60).
I would need at least another 40 marks to get As.
Which is to say, I would have to score 88 marks (upon 100) in my exam to get As for both modules.
You think that is possible??
I think it is..
Through hard work, it is definitely possible..
But... Luck plays a part too...
Hopefully the questions set will not be too hard...
Lol!!

2010-07-15T14:11:00.002+08:00

Saw this on Yahoo.sg.
It was a comment by one of the readers, Legion on July 15, 2010 at 1:13 pm.

Can't help but agree totally with what he wrote..

So this is what you get when you voted for PAP in 2006?

They bring in more foreigners to compete with your rice bowl.

I bet those who voted for PAP never expected this to happen. Still want to vote for them, and them destroy your future??

My vote counts: 10 reasons why I cannot vote for the PAP in the next election. By yaevlejunce

That so many Singaporeans behave like sheep and recite the prescribed mantra all the time about our government (namely, that we owe it all to them) really only reveals the plight of our people. Not only are Singaporeans amongst the lowest earners in the developed world in monetary terms, they are also almost definitely the poorest in the faculty to think for themselves, as a result of the education system.

Now that I am 21 and of age to vote, I am unable to vote for the PAP in the coming election because there is such an urgent need to send across a strong signal through their very thick skulls that there is a problem in the way it’s running this country. I am not a member of the Opposition, and I do not want the Opposition to take over this country, but because there will always be too many sheep in Singapore anyway, we need every vote FOR the Opposition, just to manage to produce a dent in the PAP’s smugly expected results. There will always be the apathetic, the boot-lickers, the cowardly, and the ignorant to ensure they win eventually anyway.

The difference we can make, however, is how much it wins by. Perhaps if it loses a GRC or two (and the GRC is a PAP invention), they will shake off their slumber and start ruling Singapore as a Republic, that is, for the public, for the People (rather than for personal interests).

Remember how LKY said he will send in the army if there ever is a “freak election” and the PAP is voted out of Parliament? In every other country, when the people vote out the ruling party, it is called a mandate. It is only in Singapore that such a vote is called a “freak election”. Also, whose Army is it anyway? Is it the Army of the people of Singapore – who have just voted out the PAP? Or is it the Army of the PAP?

I list here ten out of the many other reasons why I am unable to vote for the PAP:

.

1. I will not render unto Caesar what is not Caesar’s

Given that Singapore’s poor are amongst the Developed World’s poorest, while living standards are amongst the highest in the world, it is not difficult to see why the Government’s ridiculous salaries are distastefully inflated.

The President earns $3.9 million, the PM $3.8 million, the MM and SM $3.5 million each, all other ministers between $2 to $3.2 million and all ministers of state between $1.5 to $1.8 million. These salaries do not include MP allowances, pensions and other sources of income such as Directorship, Chairmanship, Advisory, Consultancy, etc to government-linked and government-related organisations or foreign MNCs, etc. And why are they allowed to work for foreign corporations in the first place? Weren’t their ridiculously-high salaries justified with the excuse that it’ll be THIS excessive precisely so that they will focus on doing their ministerial jobs? Where is the check and balance in this government?

How much do you earn in a year?

In contrast, President Obama earns a more reasonable US$400,000, with US$50,000 expenses. Our most junior ministers are paid more than twice of what the most powerful man in the world gets! Hong Kong, with the same scarcity of resources as Singapore, half the developable land area, but with double the economic success, only pays its Chief Executive Donald Tsang HK$371,885 (US$47, 678). No other nation in the world, no matter how rich or corruption-free, pays it leaders anywhere near ours. That is good enough to show that the PAP rhetoric about their paycheques is plain rubbish (incidentally, “rubbish” seems to be one of LKY’s favourite words).

Adding to that, it had the cheek to raise its own salary right before a GST hike in 2003 and 2004. GST was raised again in 2007 to 7% from the original 3%. And of course, the PAP salaries have been rising accordingly as well.

It claims it needs to be paid similar to the private sector, but this is the public sector for a reason – you choose to work in the government to serve the country, not your pockets. Arguing that “talents” need this monetary incentive to join the government only goes to show what kind of people are being attracted – greedy, selfish, money-minded elites who see the Civil Service as nothing but a more glamorous avenue to the big bucks since their main reason for serving is not for the good of the country, but for money.

I cannot vote for a government that decides its own ridiculous salaries DESPITE a very strong public opinion against it.

.

2. Incompetence

Despite paying astronomic salaries to these patron saints of Singapore, there is much to be desired from their performance. Surely, if we are paying the highest government salaries in the world, it is not unreasonable to simply expect these people to do their job. The recent Bukit Timah Floodings, however, is a case in point showing why this expectation may be misplaced.

Environment Minister Yaacob Ibrahim said that the government knew the diversion canal was not big enough to take the rainwaters. He claimed that because this sort of “freak events” occur only once every 50 years, there was nothing the government could do about it. The Bukit Timah Canal was constructed in 1972, almost 40 years ago – about time something that happens “once every 50 years” would occur. Additionally, meteorologists reported that ‘this flood comes three years after one of Singapore’s worst floodings in recent history, in December 2006‘. 50 years indeed. But alas, our $2.8 million/year Minister was unable to foresee such a simple thing – even while knowing the canal was not big enough! Well, the PUB is planning to work on expanding it now – pretty late or early (depending on where in Singapore you live), since the next time we really need it will be 50 years from now, according to the Minister.

.

3. Double standards

It is a well-known fact that GIC and Temasek Holdings, Singapore’s two sovereign wealth funds, are both headed by members of the Lee family. Both have reported a ridiculous loss of $41.6 Billion and$39.91 Billion respective and have yet to answer to the real stakeholders – Singaporeans – on how this could have happened. No one has taken responsibility or issued explanations or anythingat all. In fact, the state media has been glaringly silent on the issue. Why aren’t we Singaporeans hearing anything about ourmoney?

“When we invest, we invest for the long-term”, Lee Kuan Yew, who heads GIC, said when Temasek Holdings purchased Bank of America shares and then sold it off a few months later, losingbetween US$2.3 to US$4.6 billion just like that.

That is more than $80 Billion in total from the blood and sweat of Singaporeans, down the drain because of bad decisions made by individuals whose multi-million dollar paycheques remain secure no matter how many mistakes they make. In contrast, the Resilience Package tapped into Singapore’s official reserves to withdraw $4.9 billion, and that effort to help Singaporeans in genuine need required hours and hours of debate.

While we should rightfully acknowledge the good that the PAP has done for Singapore, it is often taken for granted that Singaporeans believe a blatant lie that the country’s affluence is owed to the PAP and Lee Kuan Yew’s efforts. No, it came from the efforts of allSingaporeans. Hong Kong did not have a strongman like Lee Kuan Yew to dictate their lives from toilet habits to whether they could hear their own dialect on TV, and yet they have achieved double of what we have – and their people are involved in the political process, not dead and apathetic like our population. There is absolutely no reason to believe that Singapore, with its strategic location and hardworking population, would not have reached its present affluence under a less money-minded David Marshall or someone else.

Moreover, the oft-used justification for the lofty salaries of the government is that the private sector pays its leaders similar salaries. Well, in the private sector, there is such a thing asaccountability. Where is Temasek Holdings’ accountability? Where is GIC’s accountability? Where was Wong Kan Seng’s accountability when his Ministry slipped up time and time again? Where is Yaacob Ibrahim’s accountability? What exactly happens when a minister makes a mistake in Singapore? Where is the Fourth Estate to play its role as a watchdog?

.

4. Blatant lies

We are probably the only country in the world that has had its MPs possibly blatantly lie in Parliament and yet achieve high rankings on corruptibility. Anyone remember the mention of White Horses in Parliament? Practically every NSF believes that there is such a thing as White Horses, yet right there in Parliament, an affront to the ideals of democracy, transparency and integrity in this country, our leaders possibly lied to its people (I am not sure if they really did lie, but that so many people believe that White Horses still exist begs the question). If it could do that once, it could have done it before, and it can do it again. What is the point of wearing white, trying to look pure, if you are a liar? If they did lie, I cannot vote for such blatant liars to be my leaders – especially when they lie about such things NOT for the good of the country, but for their own interests, for the unfairly selective comfort of their own children at the very expense of the equality this country was founded upon.

The media in Singapore is entirely controlled via Singapore Press Holdings, headed by a former PAP minister, Dr Tony Tan. Masquerading as an independent paper, the Straits Times, while not necessarily fabricating facts on its own (at least I hope not), blatantly twists them. For example (extracted from here), the media was full of praise of Temasek CEO Ho Ching for earning a few million dollars on paper, but failed to highlight her disastrous investment decisions such as buying the shares of Barclays bank at a high and selling them at a low a few months later.

The Straits Times credited the Singapore Internal Security Department for providing the crucial “intelligence” which led to the capture of escaped terrorist Mas Selamat Kasteri by the Malaysian Special Branch. It turned out that the operation was part of a joint collaboration by the Malaysian, Singapore and Indonesian police and the Singapore ISD actually played only a minor role in the capture of Mas Selamat, but the Straits Times did not mention this to give the public the full picture, choosing rather to mislead Singaporeans into believing that ISD had indeed “redeemed” itself.

Without a free press in Singapore, Singaporeans are robbed of access to real and accurate news that does not include propaganda and spins that mislead. They are robbed of a crucial check and balance in the form of the Fourth Estate that acts as a watchdog to ensure the government is doing its job. Afterall, government corruptibility has more often than once been revealed solely because of a free press, an example of which is the Watergate Scandal. A free press will act as a check on corruptibility, not sky-high salaries. In the end, if media content is regulated by the government, it is Singaporeans who stand to lose.

.

5. Operation Coldstore and the 1963 General Elections

The 1963 Singapore General Elections was the toughest and most critical the PAP ever faced. It had already suffered two by-election defeats and the number of seats it held was 26 – holding a majority by just one seat.

On 2 February 1963, just a few months before the elections, Operation Coldstore was launched and more than a hundred people were arrested and detained without trial, including the Secretary-General and other key members of the Barisan Sosialis, the PAP’s biggest threat.

Despite the heavy blow, which was obviously undermined the Barisan Sosialis’ success at the Elections, they won 33.2% of the popular vote and the PAP took 46.9%. What do you think the PAP would have gotten if it hadn’t carried out Operation Coldstore?

And why do Singaporeans not know about such an important aspect of their national history?

.

6. Lim Chin Siong

Lim Chin Siong was recruited into the PAP by Lee Kuan Yew in 1954, and his immense popularity amongst the Chinese won a large amount of support for the PAP. When Lim Chin Siong was arrested by the British in 1955 for anti-colonial activities, the PAP promised the electorate to release him if they were elected, in order to gain votes.

At the age of 22, Lim Chin Siong was elected into the Legislative Assembly, and he was so popular among the people that Lee Kuan Yew was prompted to promise that he would be ‘our future Prime Minister‘ (guess who became PM instead?).

However, he soon grew disillusioned with the PAP and left to form the Barisan Sosialis in 1961. Under the pretext of being a communist, he was detained without trial under Operation Coldstore for SIX YEARS until he was forced to renounce politics and went into exile in 1969. Up till today, there is hardly any concrete evidence at all that he was ever a communist. Yet, it was the reason he was eliminated from the precarious 1963 General Elections. Imagine being removed from your family, being locked up for 6 years, NEVER given a trial, and then thrown out of the country, all because you are popular and the government fears you?

Lee Kuan Yew himself said of him “I liked and respected him for his simple lifestyle and his selflessness. He did not seek financial gain or political glory. He was totally committed to the advancement of his cause“. This was the kind of men who sincerely fought with their lives for the good of the country. And they were persecuted and crushed by the PAP in order to snatch power. Contrast the lives of such men with the kind of PAP MPs we have today.

[13th Dec '09 - Edit: Click here to read about Operation Spectrum, launched in 1987 under that terrible ISA again. Over 20 people were detained without trial under the accusation of a Marxist conspiracy. After being released a few months later, they repudiated their earlier confessions, alleged ill-treatment by ISD officers while in detention, and were arrested the very next day(how come this sort of efficiency is lacking with real threats like Mas Selamat?). Ten days later, the government announced that a proposed commission of inquiry into the allegations made by the detainees was no longer necessary as the signatories have since recanted their statement while in detention. Hmm, I wonder why.

Excerpt from their statement:

"...we were subjected to harsh and intensive interrogation, deprived of sleep and rest, some of us for as long as 70 hours insides freezing cold rooms. All of us were stripped of our personal clothing, including spectacles, footwear and underwear and made to change into prisoners' uniforms.

Most of us were made to stand continually during interrogation, some of us for over 20 hours and under the full blast of air-conditioning turned to a very low temperature.

Under these conditions, one of us was repeatedly doused with cold water during interrogation.

Most of us were hit hard in the face, some of us for not less than 50 times, while others were assaulted on other parts of the body, during the first three days of interrogation.

We were threatened with more physical abuse during interrogation.

We were threatened with arrests, assault and battery of our spouses, loved ones and friends. We were threatened with INDEFINITE detention without trial. Chia Thye Poh, who is still in detention after twenty years, was cited as an example. We were told that no one could help us unless we "cooperated" with the ISD.

These threats were constantly on our minds during the time we wrote our respective "statements" in detention.

We were actively discouraged from engaging legal counsel and advised to discharge our lawyers and against taking legal action (including making representations to the ISA Advisory Board) so as not to jeopardise our chances of release.

We were compelled to appear on television and warned that our release would depend on our performances on tv. We were coerced to make statements such as "I am Marxist-inclined..."; "My ideal society is a classless society..." ; " so-and-so is my mentor..."; "I was made use of by so-and-so..." in order to incriminate ourselves and other detainees."

This is another reason why I will not be able to vote for the PAP. I cannot bring myself to support such a brutal and callous government which treats its people as such. And I cannot support its continued use of the ISA in Singapore, in spite of its usefulness in handling terrorists (who is the real terrorist here?), because time and again, history has shown that it is innocent Singaporeans who will suffer most from such a law that allows the government to conveniently eliminate all threats to itself - not the nation - without trial, without evidence, without accountability of any kind.]

[Edit: 15th Dec '09 - Click here for yet another forced confession account.]

7. Singaporean students need to learn a fair and accurate history in school

The fact that practically no young Singaporean knows about important people like Lim Chin Siong, or even David Marshall, our first Chief Minister, is testament to the spectacular failure of our education system. All they ever learn about our country’s history is LKY and Raffles, LKY and Raffles, LKY and Raffles, and maybe a bit about the War. No wonder our students find history boring. No wonder our students do not feel attached to this country because their knowledge of its history is so shallow.

Why has MOE removed the important bits of Singapore’s history from schoolbooks? The bits about Operation Coldstore (and the realities behind it), the historic Anson by-election, the real founder of the PAP (who, by the way, is not surnamed Lee), our ex-President Devan Nair, Ong Teng Cheong’s request – which was never granted to the day he died – to be given a list of Singapore’s reserves (because as President he needed to know what he is protecting, since the President’s role is to be Protector of the Reserves – and did you know that the President’s role is that, by the way?), etc. Why are Singaporeans being robbed of their history and then accused of being apathetic?

.

8. Traumatic MP-experiences and MPs who fear death by The Chair

The kind of PAP MPs that Singapore is ruled by today is a worthy cause for Trauma.

In short, a married couple went to see their MP because their eldest son recently passed away from a naval accident while serving NS. They explained that their younger son will be serving his NS soon and requested for an exemption because of what had just happened. They said that it’s been a traumatic time for them. And the MP replied “What traumatic? After two months, you won’t be traumatic”.

As if insensitive MPs are not enough, the PAP is fielding hyper-sensitive wimps behind the shadows with their GRC Trick. Tell me who on earth has ever been afraid of being killed by an aluminium chair slammed against a door? And where is the sympathy? Where is the waving it off as “an honest mistake” especially when there was no harm done?

The GRC, by the way, was invented by the PAP. The fact that it seems to engage in gerrymandering (drawing up election borders in its favour) goes to show the extent it is willing to go just to stay in power. The GRC is also unfair because constituents are forced to vote into Parliament men and women they do not really want to have. This whole system, however, was implemented without asking Singaporeans, of course. The PAP decided it wanted to have the GRCs, and it passed the law to have the GRCs. No say from the people at all. Is this democracy? Is gerrymandering for the good of the people?

With such people ruling the country, it is honestly difficult to believe we are in good hands. Contrasted against the lives of men such as Lim Chin Siong, it is hard to rule out the severe suspicion that the MPs we have today are joining the Government for personal interest, not the nation’s.

.

9. Money. Of course it’s all about money.

Singapore claims it pays its ministers astronomical salaries because “talents” need to be attracted from the private sector – this is simply saying that our ministers serve the country just for money.

Also, their pay is pegged to GDP growth – which is why it is no wonder that everything in this country seems to be focused on the economy. The government is so caught up in money-making because its salaries are pegged to it! Moreover, if Singaporeans are attuned to the mentality that money is all there is to life (and many, many Singaporeans are), then they will be less bothered about the other compromises to their civil rights, and less likely to be concerned about what their government is really doing, so long as the money keeps flowing in. What a cheap people we have become.

.

10. What Singapore needs is change

Lastly, by voting for a significant change to the status quo, Singaporean youths will become less apathetic, seeing that, for the first time in their lives, CHANGE is really possible in this country, and that they can make a difference in deciding for the future of Singapore.

The PAP will also be less complacent if it meets with a stunning defeat. Its cold Point 8-type ministers will also learn that it is Singaporeans they are supposed to be serving, not themselves. They will learn to treasure their constituents, to sincerely listen their opinions and to truly help them – all these are SUPPOSED to be their job in the first place.

People will also start to dare to join the Opposition. The only reason why I do not wish for the Opposition to take over the government is because it is incompetent, and it is incompetent because talented men and women who are concerned about the aforementioned issues, do not have the courage or faith in the system to step forward and join the Opposition (hell no, not with a law like the ISA in place). But if the PAP faces a defeat that is significant enough, trust in the democratic system of Singapore will finally be restored and the politics of Singapore can be revived to more than just dead rhetoric.

Of course we are grateful for the many, many good things the PAP has done for Singapore. It has been an excellent government in many ways (especially economically – I wonder why). However, it has also been found lacking in many aspects. Politics is not a charity, as they would themselves say with regard to the Opposition, and we cannot vote for a government simply because it used to serve the people well. If it has lost its focus, then support for the Opposition is the only way to make them regain this focus. No one ever says “I have a good salary already, please donot give me a pay rise”. Everyone wants improvements to their lives, and if we care about this country, we should seek improvements to the way it is run as well, even if we are satisfied with this country to start with.

My vote counts. So will yours. Vote wisely.

2010-07-13T03:46:00.001+08:00

你為什麼說謊 - 丁噹

這次我走開再沒有話要說出來

我不想再期待走下去還能多精彩
我不瞭解你怎能心安
也捉不住你的倔強
可是我知道你你為什麼說謊
你說你還在一分一秒也沒走開
我想留在這裡可是這一切已太晚
我不能再像從前一樣
為我們的明天瘋狂
你不必解釋你為什麼說謊
你不能說我沒有愛過
說我沒等過難過我也想說
也許能重來我卻還是沉默
你一直問我的心到底在不在
問我怎能不遺憾就丟失了愛
而我的淚怎麼就流下來
你說你還在一分一秒也沒走開
我想留在這裡可是這一切已太晚
我不能再像從前一樣
為我們的明天瘋狂
你不必解釋你為什麼說謊
你不能說我沒有愛過
說我沒等過難過我也想說
也許能重來我卻還是沉默
你一直問我的心到底在不在
問我怎能不遺憾就丟失了愛
而我的淚怎麼就流下來
你不能說我沒有愛過
說我沒等過難過我也想說
也許能重來我卻還是沉默
你一直問我的心到底在不在
問我怎能不遺憾就丟失了愛
而我的淚怎麼就流下來
你一直問我的心到底在不在
問我怎能不遺憾就丟失了愛
而我的淚怎麼就流下來

2010-07-13T03:44:00.000+08:00

我愛他 - 丁噹

曲︰陳威全
詞︰黃婷
編︰WAVE G

他的輕狂留在　某一節車廂
地下鐵裡的風　比回憶還重
整座城市一直等著我
有一段感情還在漂泊

對他唯一遺憾　是分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚　都停不下來
若那一刻重來　我不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

＊我愛他　轟轟烈烈最瘋狂
我的夢　狠狠碎過卻不會忘
曾為他　相信明天就是未來
情節有多壞　都不肯醒來

＃我愛他　跌跌撞撞到絕望
我的心　深深傷過卻不會忘
我和他　不再屬於這個地方
最初的天堂　最終的荒唐

如果還有遺憾　又怎麼樣呢
傷了痛了懂了　就能好了嗎
曾經依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我愛他　轟轟烈烈最瘋狂
我的夢　狠狠碎過卻不會忘
逃不開　愛越深越互相傷害
越深的依賴　越多的空白
該怎麼去愛

重唱　＊,＃

如果還有遺憾　是分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚　都停不下來
若那一刻重來　我不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

2010-07-13T03:26:00.000+08:00

Quiz 2 results for POE was announced to us during today's lesson...
Surprisingly, I got the highest marks in class =)
Since it's the last lesson of this module today, project marks was given to us as well..
According to the lecturer, the last group to be called is the one with the highest marks..
And us?
We were the 2nd last to be called =)
Though the marks we got for the project was not to our expectation, but we were glad we did well...

Lecturer complimented on one part of the project.
And that part was written by none other than yours truly..
I'm not trying to be 'yaya' but am glad I received some kind of recognition of my hard work...
And I think it's something worth noting in my OWN blog.

POE exam will be on 3 August and FA on 13 August.
My aim ~> As for both and no less...
I believe with due diligence, the desired results are attainable.

Will have to start revising now..
There will be mass revision next week for both modules..
After that, we're left with around 2 weeks for self revision.
Hopefully that will be enough time for me to understand both subjects and score during the exams..

2010-07-12T09:11:00.000+08:00

I wallow in self-reproach whenever my kids studies slack..

Dariz have spelling today and I totally forget about it!!!
What's wrong with me??

I feel so evil at times..
The negative feelings I have inside me.
The choice of words i use at time..
The negative thinking I have....
It's so not right!!!!

That's not what my teacher taught me...
My teacher taught me to be comapssionate.
To have good thoughts, good words and goos action at all time..
To do more good deeds to accumulate good merit for the benefit of everyone...
But it seems like I can't uphold the value he teach..
What is wrong with me??

I spend my time at home in front of my PC more than I spend my time with the kids.
I just want to relax after a hard day's work..
But that seems to be done at the expense of my kids' studies.
I feel so bad.. so guilty...

My mind is so polluted....
My words and action too...
It's time I should do something about it...
Find a way to improve myself and stick to it...
I lost my determination somewhere along the way..
But I believe I can find it back...

I won't ask for god's help this time cos this is something only i can help myself...

So please, Miss Bella, help yourself this time!!

2010-07-08T16:13:00.002+08:00

Another 21 days to the end of my contract and I'm outta this horrible place..
The thought of it lifts my spirit.
Smell of freedom is in the air!!
At last, I need not dread of working with these people everyday!

Am applying for a part time receptionist position.
Hopefully I'll be shortlisted for an interview. Hehe~
They are paying good money for 4hrs of job 5 days per week. =D
so ya, I'm KEEN!

I'll be taking thing slow this time.
I'll just take my time and look for a job to my liking.

With the maid gone and some of the debts cleared, I can afford to take things easier.
I feel so stressed up for too long period of time.
I think it's time I relax myself!

Life is hard..
I finally understand how hard life could get..
and how fortunate I am to have people walk through rough times with me.
I'm learning how to not take things for granted.
How to love everything and everyone around..
And also how to be not so 小气‘...

Life is too short to be spent on unhappy things.
We should grab the chance and make life better each day!

Never cry for anyone who will not shed a tear for you.
Never cry for spilled milk.
Never cry for people of the past - we should be happy for them instead.
Never cry for things you do not have - what's yours is yours, what's not~>just let it go.

When there's a will, there's a way...

A little faith is all we need to tide through rough times..

light will be at the end of the tunnel =P

2010-07-06T01:35:00.000+08:00

Just went through some old emails...
It brings back some old happy memories...

I feel sad suddenly.
Why some ppl whom we used to be so close suddenly feels like strangers?
I dun understand...

Not in the mood to work.
Feel like asking them to bring forward my last working day.
I have totally no more mood to work there.

Voiced out what I thought about our project after class just now.
Talked things out, but can see that everyone is not happy.
Alvin said he might drop out from this course starting from next module.
This is one thing that I have expected.
So it doesn't really came as a shock to me.

I have anticipated some changes in our group after this module.
I have prepared for the worse.....

2010-07-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

Went K session with Da Ben, Mai Mai at Kbox @ AMK.
Joe, Ling and Long joined us much later.

We had dinner together before I went for my dentist appointment.
Thought the swollen gum was due to the wisdom tooth, but it turned out to be the doing of my lower molar tooth.
Haiz.. Long story..
And the condition of my teeth is terrible~

Made an appointment for the extraction of my wisdom tooth.
But not the one that I went for consultation initially.
It's the one on the other side... The left upper wisdom tooth..
Unless I extract it, I would lose both teeth very soon...
There's a chance of the extraction, supposing normal extraction, to turn out into surgery.
Cos, again, of the complexity of the condition.

So, tml's appointment at 2.30pm.
And I'm very tempted to not go for it..... =(

2010-07-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

I feel so lazy.. So not motivated to work...
Seriously, what is wrong with me??

I hate the kind of feeling when I couldn't accomplish something..
Most of the time, I feel like I'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea...
I study to look for a better job so to provide for my family.
But now, I feel that my kids need me more.
I want to stop working for a few years for their sake.

The situation now is like so contradicting.
What should I do??
Should I work part time or should I work full time?
Should I work hard for myself or should I put in more effort on my children??

I feel so confused!!

2010-06-30T17:28:00.000+08:00

My contract ending in July, with both parties having no intention to renew.

This is the first time I worked in such an environment and it really gives me a clear view of what modern days workplace exploitation is like.
Whatever it is, I'm glad that it's all gonna be over in another 29 days. =)

Have the interest of going into property line.
If I'm gonna work so hard, I might as well work for 'myself'.

Checked with my manager today and was told that I would have to pay part of the bills of the course I'm taking now.
this arrangement was due to blah blah blah blah blah....
Too many reason and most probably half of them are craps, thus not worth remembering it~

But still I think it's OK with me...
I'm taking a course at half the price..
It's about the same as getting funding from NTUC or CDAC.
So ya~ I guess this arrangement is reasonable... until there's others factor that made me think otherwise.

I'm looking for part time job.
Those that maybe work for 3-4 days per week or like just half a day for 5 days per week.
The main reason I made this decision is my kids.
Travis seriously need some coaching in his schoolwork.
And I think a large amount of tuition fee is inevitable if I continue being a FTWM.
To minimize our already expanded monthly expenditure, I think it would be better if I coach him personally.
I could save some tuition fee and also have the 1st hand update on his progress...

4 minutes to off-work.
Cya peeps again next time~

Adioss~

2010-06-28T17:17:00.006+08:00

I wish they would not renew my contract.
The working environment here really sucks to the core.

People wear mask all the time.
You see her saying how much she hated this person,
but the next second you see the both of them laughing and giggling with each other.
Disgusting!!

Watched Toy Story 3 with the kids last Friday at Cathay@AMK Hub.
We had MacDonald breakfast before we head to the movie and I only told the kids we will be catching the show after we finished the breakfast
Upon hearing this, Travis asked me suddenly, 'Mummy, will everything come out?'
I was like 'huh, what do you mean?'
He asked the same question over and over again but I still couldn't comprehend the meaning to his words.
So in a very irritated tone, I said 'Travis, what come out??'
Then he explained to me nicely 'Mummy, you know we went to watch the show at sentosa and everything came out??'
Then, I finally realised!
We went to the 4D magix once at sentosa sometime back.
Travis was so terrified by the effect then..
But I didn't know that it would follow him till today..
Guess I'll have a hard time convincing him to go for 3D movies in future~

After reassuring him that nothing will come out, we proceed to the ticket counter and got the tix.
The whole cinema was almost fill except for the 2nd front row right side of the screen.
It was so near the screen but we nevertheless enjoyed the movie.
Am in the midst of planning another movie session with the kids and this show popped to mind - Despicable Me!
So, next movie it shall be ~ Despicable Me~

My wisdom tooth is giving me headache.
And I mean headache literally!!
It got so bad that even breathing aggravates the pain..
Oh god!!!
And I'm so scared of going to the dentist for fear of dental surgery.
Had a dental surgery once, and it has haunted me for life...
(Though the skill of the dental surgeon is good; making it as painless as possible)

Called up some dental clinics and all was full for the day.
Luckily Q&M Ang Mo Kio got slot for tml evening at a good time.
I grabbed it without 2nd thought!
It's hurting so bad I could cry!!!

2010-06-25T15:15:00.000+08:00

A otherwise happy outing was ruined because of you.

I dun understand why do you always have to be so out of touch when we have family outings.
It's either you seems irritated or you just simply dun bother to interact with us.
Who are we to you exactly?

After so many years, dun you know still what I want??
I have been telling you time and again how I would like you to interact with the kids when we're doing somethings together as a family.
But time and time again my words fall on deaf ear.

I am a human being, a girl, a woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter, I'm anything but not a superwoman.
I have my needs too.
I need love, care & concern like everyone else do..
I'm already letting it go when you show no interest in fulfilling any of my needs.
Now I just hope that for the sake of the kids, you can keep up a facade.
Isn't that why we are still together after all these years?

I hate quarrelling as much as you do.
I dun understand why, after so many years, you still act like a child.
And also what's your stress when I'm already taking care of most of the things.

Whatever it is..
I hate living like this..
If you are not ready to give me what I want, then just let me go..
What's the point of making a big hoo-haa in FB the other time when you have no intention of giving me anything???

I won't try to have anymore talks to you again...
Because it's futile...
It will end up with me talking and u staring at me throughout the whole time..
I dun know what you want.. And I'm tired of guessing it..
And also not interested to know it anymore..

I'm giving up...

2010-06-24T22:49:00.001+08:00

When small little things irritate u. When my needs are nothing but inconvenience to you. When even being by your side seems so distant from u. What is there left in this relationship for me to cling on still???

The bridge is there to keep us connected... But that connection is nothing but just superficial exchanges.

As much as I hate u giving me cold shoulders, I need to get used of them... Forever is a long time. I dun want to feel the hurt each time the same thing happen.

I'm letting it go...

The truth hurts, but living in denial hurts more...

2010-06-22T23:49:00.000+08:00

Having maid problems now...
MIL suggest to send her back home.
In fact, she's almost to the point of pressurizing me to have her out of the house.

My contract with my current company will be ending next month.
I'm still awaiting reply if they would still like to use my service.
If not, then I'll be a part time SAHM.
I can't do without a job.. So I'll definitely get myself a part time job.
Moreover, I am so used to use my own money..
I wouldn't want to get every cent from hubby for everything i need to get.

I'm actually quite looking forward to stop working and stay at home.
Travis is already at the stage where he needs constant coaching to understand the subject.
If I carry on working, I would have to engage a tutor for him.

There's alot of things to take into consideration and I am still weighing the pros and cons.

Haiz~ I need someone to advice me!!

2010-06-20T13:07:00.000+08:00

Guess I finally understand what 'enough is enough' means.
I'm sick and tired of all the nonsense and I need a change soon.
I wouldn't want to be pull down by those who are not as serious as the others.
Ppl put in 100% of effort, u put in only 10%, and u get the same thing as the others, is it fair??
On top of that, ppl still have to put up with your nonsense... Double the stress!!
What for?!?!

A change is necessary and inevitable..

2010-06-15T09:00:00.001+08:00

Adventurous Monday morning!!!

Reached office this morning at 8.15am and proceed to get the documents ready for the trainer's india visa application.
Had asked the applicant to fill up the required forms to shorten the time required as the courier doesn't wait.
But the applicant did not do it and we couldn't pass the courier anything when he was here.

Called up the travel consultant and the agent actually suggest that we bring the documents down to their office to pass to the visa officer.
No choice, I did as instructed.
Hopefully we are able to have the passport back by this Friday so that fellow have her passport to catch her flight on Sunday.

I slept at 4am last night..
Not because I don't wanna sleep but insomnia set in again..
Poor me..
I am like so stoned now...
My mind is totally blank!

Not going to class this evening.
Will be heading to the library@Bishan to borrow some books.
I haven't been reading as much as I wanted to.
And I think that is a shame.
I should read more..
Reading is a kind of therapy.
It makes you feel better and make u see others things that you have no way of seeing in real life..

I'm talking about non-fiction books.
Or books that reflect real life events.
Those are the books that make you see things differently..

Daddy's birthday today.
Mum called early in the morning to inform me of the dinner tonight.
Ya.. This is the main reason why I'm skipping class.. =P

2010-06-11T20:38:00.002+08:00

2010-06-11T20:29:00.003+08:00

2010-06-10T13:28:00.004+08:00

Had a quarrel with Joe over gaming session last night..
The reason I'm upset with him is because despite repetitive pleas for him to stay with me, he chose to go to the gaming session.

I starting to think he might be having video game addiction.

Here is the symptom quoted from wikipedia

Excessive use of video games may have some or all of the symptoms of drug addiction or other proposed psychological addictions. Some players become more concerned with their interactions in the game than in their broader lives. Players may play many hours per day, gain or lose significant weight due to playing, disrupt sleep patterns to play, play at work, avoid phone calls from friends and/or lie about play time. Relationships with family and friends and performance at work or school may suffer. [3] [17]

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_game_addiction)

That explains why Joe has been losing weight at an alarming rate...

Also from wikipedia:

Globally, there have been deaths caused directly by exhaustion from playing games for excessive periods of time.[57] [58] There have also been deaths of gamers and/or others related to playing of video games.

It's scary to know that even games are detrimental!

------- Out for lunch -------

Had mixed vegetables for lunch.
Yupx, no rice..
I'm cutting down on carbo as that seems to aid weight loss.
the previous time I did this for 3 weeks without doing exercise and I lost 5kg.
Now I have integrated exercise into the programme, I'm sure I would get better result.

The other day, I realised that for this whole year, except bringing the kids to my mum's place, I have not brought them anywhere else.
They must be feeling terrible cooping at home all day.
Sometimes I blame it on my hubby for their plight.
He had the advantage of week-days off and could bring them out for a walk when most of the people are busy working.
That means shopping centres are not as crowded. More seats on public transports. Less people everywhere..
But he rather stay at home and game whole day then to spend some quality time with the kids?

Travis is big already. And he needs a male example to guide him through the next phase of his life.
I am his mother. But that doesn't mean that I am able to teach him everything.
Somethings would be better taught by someone of the same gender.

Starting from next month, I will make time out at least once every fortnight, to bring the kids out.
Anywhere it can be...
As long as they are not cooped in the house... =)

Met up with Alvin last night for the project.
Hub joined in later...
And the 3 of us sat at Starbucks for the project.
Hub was either browsing through the magazine or chatting with Alvin the whole time..
Disrupting the momentum >;<
Alvin, on the other hand, was either chatting with hub or on his phone...
The time he put into the project is like 10% of the whole time he was there...
unequal amount of time & effort contributed!!!

2010-06-09T15:56:00.000+08:00

Meeting Alvin for FA project this evening.
Before that, I will need to meet Joe in Raffle Place to go to M1 to rectify the donker problem.

Charlene's 'I've never been to me' always bring tears to my eyes whenever I listen to it.
Especially the part where she goes:

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet

Yes..
I'm thinking of her again..
After so long, I still can't forget her..
Who would??
The mere thought of what I've lost is enough to make me cry like a baby.

Some people ask me why I know it's 'her' and not 'him'?
Easy..
Cos she was in me..
The kind of feeling...
I have never had 2nd thought that it is a 'she',
though that greed-driven doctor refuse to reveal the gender!

Back to the song:
There's this part of the song that I really love..
It goes:

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......

Hur~ Makes me think twice of 'going' paradise..
Paradise is fiction..
I rather want something more realistic..

When everyone is crazy over iPhone 4G, I set my eyes on another phone.
That is the Sprint HTC Evo 4G!

you can view the specs here:
http://now.sprint.com/firsts/evo4g/#/specs/

I'm gonna get it when it's launched in SG!!

Am already planning for my Europe trip for my 10th Wedding anniversay.
Planning to tour Western Europe as it has hold my interest for a long long time~
St Peter's Basilica in Vatican State, Colosseum in Italy, Leaning Tower of Pisa, Rhine Falls at Schauffhausen, black forest in Germany, Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris...
Just the thought of these places sets me dreaming of the day I could visit these places..

I wonder if a free & easy tour is possible...
Package tour is always so rush... I wanna have more time when visiting these places!

2010-06-07T12:03:00.000+08:00

The system is going hay-wire again!
That is what happen every monday morning..
But I love it!!
cos that means more down time for me to slack and do nothing... Officially~ =)

Went for a jog last evening and the one before last.
It feels really good!!!
I like the post-jog feeling.
It makes me feel more refreshed, and in turn lifted my spirit =D

Did not turn in as early as I wanted last night.
But I guess I drifted into dreamland before 12.30am - which is considerably early for a night owl like me.

Woke up once last night when hubby was back.
He did not help me rectify the laptop problem as promise... >;<

Was listening to this song by Jay Chou - 自导自演.
the rhythm is catchy and the lyrics cute.
Haha~ nice song..
I guess most guys will like the lyrics...
One part goes:

你发脾气说声这么响我不留在这里
对不起要走可以关门别太大力

Lol!!
Funny right?!

Gotta spend some time revising last week's lesson.
And also to read up on today's lesson.

POE - It's so similar to management accounting I've learnt in Kaplan.
But I am still having problem comprehending this subject...

Guess I am just too lazy to devote more time in it..
It's time to do some fine-tuning of my mind-set...

The government is giving money next month..
The final GST payout.
I'm gonna use this money to rebond my hair..
My hair is in total mess and I am experiencing bad hair day everyday!!!
Hate it!!!
Though many say I look better with curly hair, but I still like the convenience straight hair brings..:)
Guess I'm going to snip my hair shorter, and dye loud colour...
Another change of image..
But hope I won't look too ah lian with the new hair colour.. =P

2010-06-06T16:37:00.001+08:00

My girls are meeting up for project discussion today.
Me??
I'm not attending. I'll be doing FA, so I would like to just focus on my FA for the time being.
As for POE??
I'm giving it up...
Not in the literal sense.
I will still be studying for it, but won't be expecting good grades for the project.
Everyone seems so slack this module..
So, ya...
Wouldn't dare to expect too much....

Expect to finish my FA project by this Wednesday, with or w/out that fellows help.
He can slack if he wants...
But I'm not doing that..
I am aiming for at least an A for FA and a B for POE.
I'm giving my all to get what I want..

2010-05-26T14:32:00.000+08:00

Under the pressure to look for another article for econs project.
It's going to be the 5th week and we have to really rush through our project.

Another round of discussion coming up this Sunday.
Till now, i have totally no idea how to start on this project.
Am asking around for help.
Hopefully I'll get some~

Shitty day at work again..

What's wrong with those sitting in Chennai?
Life in Chennai is so boring that you have to stir up some troubles once in a while?

They shot an email to my manager over an airport transfer arrangment.
And that manager was like 'Please liaise with them before you make any arrangements.'

That's crappy!

It's just an arrangement with the hotel being cancelled.
There's no charges involved.
And we didn't even email that woman in Chennai, we emailed the hotel directly, why is she so upset??

Hate it when people who don't know how things work try to teach you how to do things.
If you're so clever, why don't you do it yourself??

Irritating!

Sometimes it really suck to work in big organisation!!

Damn! Why is the RMS Team's line engaged all the time!!!

2010-05-22T12:10:00.000+08:00

Something happened today that reinforce the negative feeling I have towards my maternal family.
I dont understand why my sis will even say such thing??
She was still asking if I'm going over this weekend.
And when she ask againa and I replied, she told me something that is obviously hinting for the opposite.
If you dont want me to go over, just tell me straight in the face.
Why say such thing??

Your feeling is feeling and we have to treat it with tenderness.
Mine??

Fine!
就当我自断后路。
反正当我需要帮忙时，你们也不会伸出援手的。

So... What's the dif??

2010-05-22T00:50:00.001+08:00

I need to start learning how to keep my thoughts to myself.
No point telling others how I feel, especially those not involved.
Telling them is only as good as passing my burdens to them.
So, what for??

Met the rest out for project discussion today.
We have chosen a few articles and will decide on Monday so we could start on it soon.

Dear dear off work at 2am tonight..
Boring..
Hate it when I have to spend my weekend nights alone..

2010-05-19T15:34:00.000+08:00

I feel slighted.
I don't feel good that you're treating me like some kind of thrash.
You need me, you find me.
When you don't, you don't even bother to keep up with a conversation.

Fine!
I know I am no one to you.
No one to you indeed!!!
That means that I have no rights to expect anything from you.
And also NOT to do anything for you!!

I am not going to do anything for you anymore!
Nothing at all!!!

Disclaimer: I am not referring to my hubby.. But someone else.

Wants

2010-05-16T20:24:00.001+08:00

I just want

A man worthy of my love.
A man to take care of me.
A man worthy enough to be the father of my sons.
A man to be there for me whenever I need someone to be by my side.
A true man.

Why can't you be that man??

2010-05-16T19:07:00.000+08:00

Hate the feeling of being used.
Such feeling will make me do irrational things & become super defensive.

I don't mind doing you favours without any return, but not to the point of being used!!!

2010-05-14T21:16:00.000+08:00

Request to speak with my line manager this morning.
Coincidentally, my senior manager wants to speak to me as well.

They agreed that I was being exploited and, though did not agree to hire another, agree to reduce my workload gradually.

Hopefully things will be better after this.

Plan to switch to part-time within these 2 years.
So I will have time to take care of the kids.
There is no one better than a mother to take care of the kids. =)
Dun you agree?

2010-05-12T14:21:00.001+08:00

Seems like a long time since I made any posting.

School starts.. Hence, the reduction in posting =(

If you are a frequent news reader of Yahoo! Singapore, you would have probably come across this news on the 'mother tongue weightage'.

Saw some comments posted by some Singaporean (assuming they are Chinese themselves, cos I reckon other races would refer to their own language in this case)

and it really make my eyes widen in surprise.

Some were like condemning the government for not lowering the weightage, while others were criticising the Singapore Chinese Chamber of Commerce & Industry.

From names-calling to accusations, etc..

I mean what the hell are these for???

Just because your child can't do well in Chinese, MOE must lower the weighting?
If my son can't do well in English, Mathes & Science, can I make noise ask MOE to lower the weightages of these too and use the excuse as aforesaid as justifications of my action?

Dumb asses!

What has this loser here have against Chinese? From the way he/she have her nick, chances are he/she is a Ang Mo wannabe. Speaking of folding the tail between the legs walking out when the MM speak out, this person here looks like one~ =P

Ya, right! Let the child have an easy way out. How do you know your child is not up to that standard? Who are you to voice out? You know why Singapore need expats?? Because of stupid parents like you! Giving the child an easy way out whenever he starts to whine that something is too difficult. Idiot!

The Government is asking you to be racial harmony. Not asking you to lose your cultural and your root. As a chinese, you know nothing about the language is as good as a British know nothing about English! And just a side note, sense of belonging need not be reminded. It is constantly within you, if you really have it. Do you need someone to remind you to eat all the time? You'll eat when you are hungry, right? So stop whining, Dumb Ass!!!

One of the idiots even said something like 'it's not essential to learn the language in order to learn the culture'.
Hello! If you don't even know the language, how are you going to learn the culture?!

Though I'm against what was previously 'proposed' and also half of the comments I saw, I do agree that the current system do put some minorities at a disadvantage. But then again, decisions will always be made in the interest of the majorities. It would be funny to be 'fair' to the minority and 'sacrifice' the majority, right??

Looking at the Malays and the Indians, I have never seen any of them being ashame of their own race or culture, or sounding they have difficulties in learning their own language.

Comparing Chinese to the Indians, where both have at least few thousand years of history, don't you think that Tamil is also a difficult language to grasp?? They have over 200 alphabets in their word structure, Mandarin have only some strokes to remember, how hard could it be compared to Tamil?

Lowering the weighting of Mother Tongue?
Be prepared to breed more Ang Mo wannabes.

I can't imagine one day when my kids or my grandchildren know nothing of the chinese language.
It would be a total disgrace!!!

2010-05-09T16:51:00.002+08:00

Mother's day - A day to celebrate a mother's love. In recognition of the effort they put in for their children.

Ironically, on this supposingly special day, my stupid mind is churning up unhappy memories again.
Of all days, it chooses to show the past before me like film today.

I still hold grudges against her.
I know it's unhealthy, it's eating me from the inside bit by bit.
It's going to the extent that it's making me psychotic.
But I can't let it go!

The words she said to me.
The things she did to me.

Ya, I know..
Let it go..
She's my mum afterall..
The one who born me.
I can't choose the kind of mother I want.
It's fate that brought us together.
三世修得同船渡, 百世修得共枕眠。
能做母女，要修多少世呢？？

And since she has regretted what she did, why should I still hold these grudges against her?

The reason: The cut is too deep.

The remorse she claim she felt, I think it's more to what she did to my sis, not me.
She always says her conscience is clear. She never did anything against her conscience (toward me).
So what's the catch?
I am nothing but thrash to her.
Cos the way she treated me is the way I would treat a thrash.

I was more understanding towards her before I was a mother.
And now I am a mother, I couldn't understand the way she did things.
Cos I know how a mother would feel, do, react under circumstances.
I experience it first hand when I became a mother, therefore the inability to comprehend her past actions.

Call me unfillial....
But I just can't let it go...

2010-05-07T12:22:00.002+08:00

Principal of Economics - I'm learning the basic level and yet I have trouble comprehending this subject.
I know this module will not be easy (or at least not as easy as the previous modules) and being the kia-su-cannot-lose kind of person I am,
I consulted my sis on the project requirements we got from the lecturer right after the first lesson.
That is because I want to have a clear picture of what is expected of us and what should we deliver.

Lol!
I can already hear people saying 'why so kiasu?? Can pass can liao! Why stress the hell outta yourself??'

Well, we pay good money for this course for the purpose of 'upgrading' ourselves,
we should do our best and get good results right??
If not, it would be as good as letting ourselves down.
Don't you think so??

To me, I think - if you dun do your best helping yourself, when will you show your best?
On a deeper thought, there is really nothing worth our best if we are even stingy in putting effort on ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a philosopher who can tell you the way of life, the truth of life and whatnot.
I don't even aspire to be one, dun worry!
I am also not one who is even mature in her thinking!
Hub always say I am childish, and I believe what he say most of the time.
(Ya, no exception this time too =P)
I am just an average Joe driven by greed and self-interest.

靠山，山倒。靠人，人跑。靠自己最好！

Understand what I mean now??

Guess you do... Good!

Now, back to this 'studies' thing.
Realised that what I will be learning in PSB for my accounts is different with what Kaplan taught.
Not totally different, just some of them.
We were told not to bring the textbooks for both modules this time round as we will be mostly using slides.
Good! Big load off my shoulder!!!

Another classmate wishes to join our group.
For whatever reason, we dunno.
I am quite against the idea cos I think that we have already build up the rapport to work between us.
With an additional coming in, it will disrupt this 'rapport'.
But from what we observe, this guy is quite serious in his studies, keen in learning and is very interactive during lessons.
He might be an asset to us if he joins us.
We actually had a 'meeting' after class last evening to talk about this,
but we couldn't come to a conclusion due to the absence of another groupmate and the seriousness of this matter (Yes, it is serious! The decision concern your overall scores for 2 modules, tell me now do you think that's serious??).

I went around asking my groupmates 'So when do you want to start on the project work?'
Everyone was like stunned for a second and give me a 'huhhh...!!!' reaction. (Hahahaha!!)
The question was posed to disturb them cos I know all the lazy worms in their bodies are still wriggling around.
No one wants to start on the project that fast, not even I!@@
So we agree to start on the week of the 3rd lesson; after more info was given to us on the requisites.

So, let us just enjoy these 2 weekends before hell starts for us!

2010-05-04T22:54:00.000+08:00

Artist: Delta Goodrem
Album: Delta
Title: Woman

I worked late but you don't wait up
My bones ache and i'm cleaning the place up
Sometimes i don't even know i care

I sit down take off my make-up
I lay down but you don't wake up
Sometimes i wonder if you know i'm there

I can't remember the last time you
Told me i'm beautiful, and i can't remember
Last time you said anything at all

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And i deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

Now i hope that you don't wake up
When it's too late to make up
You'll be the one that's alone and that's sad

In time you'll find somebody
The truth is she'll never be me
And that's when you're going to miss what we had

When all i really needed to hear was "you're beautiful"
All i really needed to hear was anything at all

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And i deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

I'm not your friend who only needs you sometimes
And if i'm your lady
You got to treat me like...

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And i deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

A woman needs your heart
A woman needs your all
A woman needs your everything
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
And i deserve your everything
I'm a woman
I'm a woman
I'm a woman

IcYb3||

真理？

Weight Problem

10 Sept 2011

逆境

A Father's Message from Beyond the Grave

230211

Lady Gaga - Born This Way

Feel...,

二零一一

歌曲：原来爱情这么伤



Thoughts

violet's bday celebration after PHRM exam

Looks...

28 Oct 2010

Genting trip update 2

Genting 2010

Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang

Nice storyline, nice actors/actresses.I will not go into any details, you shall watch for yourself should you want to know how good this show is. =) Guess I gotta go have a cuppa milk.A cuppa milk before bed make me sleep better.. Still thinking.... Should I go for the drinking session later???

16 August 2010

Wants

Nice storyline, nice actors/actresses.
I will not go into any details, you shall watch for yourself should you want to know how good this show is. =)

Guess I gotta go have a cuppa milk.
A cuppa milk before bed make me sleep better..

Still thinking.... Should I go for the drinking session later???